


Underwater (I Couldn't Drown)

by Pseudthisyafucks (collettephinz)



Category: Youtube RPF
Genre: #FriendshipGoals, Forest Ranger Felix, Horror Movie Inspired, Horror Movie Tropes, Kidnapping, Letty's Annual Halloween Special!, M/M, Murder, Protective Felix, Somewhat established relationship, demonized familial relationships, fight for your life, haha you can use hashtags in tags oml no, happy ending!, legitimate history to go with modern murder, major stockholm syndrome, mentally scarred Jack, reporting for duty, tenacious loyalty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 11:04:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16474355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collettephinz/pseuds/Pseudthisyafucks
Summary: Jack's been missing for three years and Felix is the only one who hasn't given up the search. He's put his life into finding Jack, molding his existence around his need to find the man and (probably) bury him. Felix can't rest until Jack is found and he doesn't expect to find anything but a pile of bones and he tells himself he'll be happy with that.Imagine his surprise when Jack finds him in the middle of the woods, in the middle of the worst storm of the year, babbling about the man who's going to kill them both.





	Underwater (I Couldn't Drown)

**Author's Note:**

> ya'll i've been writing this mf since June! i'm so excited to get it out on the best day of the year!!!!
> 
> _oof_ i love this one and i'm attached to it just because i worked on it so long. i hope you guys enjoy it! it's supposed to be rather tropey, so i left some things unexplained and dramatized other things that i normally wouldn't. 
> 
> **there is a sex scene!** if that's not for you (i know some of my readers don't like that), get to the line **"The ghost of a grin came over Jack's face..."** and pick back up at **"Felix dipped his head back down..."** it's important you pick back up there and not any later because shit kinda goes down immediately :P just skip that whole chunk and pretend they did some aggressive yoga in the shower to be economic about cleanliness

_“They’re all out like lights,” Seán “Jack” McLoughlin said as he sat down in the camping chair next to Felix’s, scooting it across the forest floor so their armrests overlapped. “Got Mark all tucked away, and he’s a sob story without a cellular connection, but Tyler gave him some of his NyQuil. Bob’s so fucking dead t’ the world that he’s got Wade cuddling all against his arse and neither of ‘em know it.” Jack grinned at Felix, the firelight making him appear almost ethereal. “The kids are asleep— what do ye’ wanna do now, Daddy?”_

_Felix snorted and hid his flushed cheeks by drinking the last of his beer and crumbling the can to toss into the garbage bag that was collecting their trash. He bent forward and prodded at the fire, letting the embers twist towards the sky. “Glad I’m Daddy, at least.”_

_“Yer fragile masculinity is always safe in my hands,” Jack replied. “Toss me a beer.”_

_“We’re out.”_

_“Fuck.”_

_Felix laughed softly. “We brought enough for seven days. Today is day seven, we pack up and head home tomorrow. If anything, this worked out perfectly, considering you and I are staying up past the normal bedtime we have for these trips. You’re the outlier that’s ruining the equation. It’s your own fault.”_

_“Fuck off, equations boy.”_

_“I’ve a psychology degree, Jack.”_

_“Yeah, but I’m shite at math.” Jack paused, something odd coming over his expression. He wasn’t paying attention to Felix anymore, so Felix took the moment for his own, looking over the object of six years of affection. His skin was a little oilier, as they hadn’t been able to have a legitimate shower in the past week, and his hair was a mess. His had bags under his eyes, but he looked healthy. His cheeks were full and his complexion was a good color in the firelight. The only thing that was off was the look in his eyes._

_“Something wrong?” Felix asked after he’d had his fill of looking, though he couldn’t really stop himself from watching Jack start to chew on his lower lip. Felix would sleep on that lip like a pillow if he could._

_Jack sighed and sat back. “This is our last camping trip,” he said._

_“You don’t know that.”_

_The other man made a face. “We’re all graduating, Fe’. Mark’s going t’ Los Angeles for some swanky engineering gig and Tyler with him. You’re probably gonna head back t’ Sweden. Bob is moving on to finish his law degree, and Wade’s getting married. Me mum wants me back in Ireland, t’ be there with Allison. None of us are gonna come back here like we did. This— this is it. This is the last time. We likely won’t ever see each other again.”  
Felix made a face. “That’s bullshit.”_

_Jack made a face back. “Ye’ know I’m right.”_

_“On the contrary, I know you’re wrong. Even if we all end up in different places, you can’t just forget someone you’ve spent six years with. You won’t forget them, and they won’t forget you.” Felix paused, watching Jack as he spoke, getting a read. Then he said, "I won’t forget you, Jack.”_

_Jack bit even harder into his lip. Felix huffed and reached out to tap the underside of Jack’s chin. “Bad habit,” he told Jack to admonish him as gently as possible. “Stop that.” Jack released his lip and Felix’s eyes were arrested by the swollen, slick look of it. He tore his eyes away and met Jack’s eyes again to see if there was still something amiss. And there was. “Something else is bothering you,” Felix urged. “Tell me.”_

_“It’s just so fuckin’ scary.” Jack’s voice was nearly a whisper when he said this, expression shuttering. He looked away, like the confession made him scared to look Felix in the eye. Like his fear was something to be ashamed of._

_“What is?”_

_“Everything,” Jack replied in an empty tone. “All of it. The big, open world, the possible paths I can take. There’re too many and I don’t know which is the right one. What if I fuck it up? I’ve got fuckin’ six years of audio engineering, and no idea what to do with it. There’s too much.” Jack slouched in his chair, watching the fire with a desolate expression. “I almost wish something would happen t’ take the decision out of my hands.”_

_Felix frowned, not liking Jack’s last statement in particular. “I can understand that,” he began carefully. “But I think it’s a good thing that you don’t know what to do. It’s good to not know. Because once you do figure it out, it’ll be your success. Your hard work paying off. There’s not much joy in life if it’s all being done for you, no pride to take in your struggles.”_

_Felix reached out and rested a hand on Jack’s knee, trying to prod Jack to look at him again, though the other man still refused to do so. “I know you, Jack,” he said softly. “I know you’ll never be happy if life is handed to you and people control every decision you make. I know it’s scary now, but sometimes being scared is an incentive to just be a little more cautious. But I also know you’re not just scared of failing. You’re just scared of ending up alone.”_

_Jack let out this noise, a broken sound that was almost like crying. Jack bent over in his seat and pushed the bottoms of his palms into his eyelids. “I don’t wanna lose all of ye’,” he confessed. “Especially you, Felix. Ye’ve been here for me the longest. Ye’ve gotten me through some of the lowest points in my life. I don’t think I would have graduated without ye’. And the idea of just, just drifting from ye’? Cause of what, life? It makes me sick with actual fuckin’ terror. I know you’re one in a billion, and I can’t lose ye’.”_

_Felix grimaced and moved his hand from Jack’s bare, knobby knee to rest on Jack’s wrist. “Hey,” he beckoned softly. “Look at me.” When Jack did, Felix’s heart ached at the naked pain he saw in Jack’s face. “I’m not gonna drift away,” Felix promised. “I know you think you need me, but believe me when I say I need you more. The only way I’ll ever stop being a part of your life is if you decide it to happen. And the others? They’re all bearing your name like a badge of honor. People want to know you and the select few who do are too proud to just let you go. Have a little faith, okay? And if one day, we do end up no longer being friends? I can promise that someone like you won’t be alone.”_

_“Someone like me?”_

_Felix smiled sadly. “What do you want me to say, Jack? You’re you. Courageous, kind, loyal. You don’t mind being woken up at three AM just to pick up someone from a bar and you’re happy to sing drunken karaoke with people just so they don’t have to do it alone. You help people study things you don’t understand and you tell the absolute worst fucking jokes that make people hate themselves for laughing. You’re intoxicating, Jack. Everyone wants to be around you. Everyone wants to know you. There’s no possible future in your life that will end with you being alone, okay? You’re just… you’re too damn perfect.”_

_Felix’s throat tightened as he came a little too close to saying too much. But Jack still looked ruined in a way and Felix couldn’t leave him to struggle like this. “You’re perfect, Jack. I’m happy to have you in my life and I’ll fight tooth and nail to have you in it until the day I die.”_

_Jack swallowed hard. “I’m afraid,” he said._

_“Afraid of what, Jack?”_

_“Of leaving all of this— university, camping, all of you— with regrets.”_

_Felix frowned. Jack was the bravest and most carefully spontaneous person he knew. What could he possibly regret? “Whatever it is, do it when you can,” Felix advised regardless. “As long as it doesn’t hurt someone, what’s the harm?”_

_“Ye’ don’t know what you’re encouraging, Felix.”_

_“It doesn’t matter. I know you. You’re smarter than anyone I’ve ever met when it comes to doing the right thing. I know you’ll make the best decision.” Felix smiled a bit and squeezed Jack’s wrist. “I have faith in you. No matter what. Whatever you want to do that you’re scared you’ll regret, I can promise it’s worth trying in the end.”_

_Jack took in a shaky breath. Then his hand came up to take Felix by the jaw and pulled him in to press their lips together. Immediately, Felix realized Jack’s lips were as soft as he’d always imagined. The kiss was shy and gentle and Felix was about to push into the touch when Jack was pulling away, the warmth of the hand disappearing from his face. Felix saw how Jack was watching him with trepidation, his eyes wide and worrying, and all Felix could ask was, “Why’d you stop?”_

_Jack broke out in a laugh, the sound bearing a frantic edge. “Really? I kiss ye’— your_ male _friend—”_

_“_ Best _friend,” Felix interrupted without thought._

_“Oh fuck, Felix.”_

_“Kiss me again,” Felix said. “You didn’t do it right.”_

_Jack surged forward, using both hands to hold Felix’s face this time, and the kiss became decidedly less-shy. He met Jack with gusto, heart soaring as he was given what he’d wanted for years. He parted Jack’s lips with his own and pushed inside, relishing the moan Jack let out. He tasted like beer and s’mores, and while Felix wouldn’t recommend the combination outside of the kiss, he was officially addicted. He took Jack’s hands from his face to tangle their fingers together and pull Jack even closer. Jack whimpered into his mouth as Felix explored with his tongue, tasting ever inch, plundering Jack’s mouth._

_“Fuck, fuck, wait,” Jack suddenly said into Felix, pushing Felix away so he could get up and abandon his own chair to climb into Felix’s, straddling his waist. “This was so worth doing,” Jack gasped as he cupped Felix’s jaw and pressed their foreheads together. “Holy shit, was this worth doing.” He turned his head and kissed Felix again, the angle allowing the kiss to deepen. Jack’s weight in his lap was electric, his ass rolling into Felix’s crotch as he tried to get even closer despite the way he was already in Felix’s lap. Felix was already half-hard, and Jack knew. He ground down purposefully and nipped on Felix’s bottom lip. “I need ye’.”_

_Felix was going to respond when Bob suddenly let out a girly shriek from his tent, screaming something about Wade. Jack pulled away from Felix with a gasp, dark eyes searching the tents behind them, backlit by the fire. Jack breathed hard, then looked down at Felix, determined. “Meet me by the lake. Bring a blanket. I’ll meet ye’ there, yeah? Five minutes.” Then he was gone from Felix’s lap and disappearing into the tent he shared with Felix._

_Felix grabbed the wool blanket from Jack’s abandoned chair and all but bolted down to the lake, navigating the dark forest with practiced ease. He scrambled down the rickety, old pier, laid out the blanket, and then chanced a surveying glance around the lake. There was no firelight, save the gentle glow from their own camp. Everything was serene and peaceful, the full moon reflecting off the lazily-lapping lake waves. Felix couldn’t imagine any moment that was more beautiful and deserving of someone like Jack. He dropped onto the blanket, alight with nerves, and waited, trying to keep from looking to his watch._

_Five minutes became ten, became fifteen, became twenty. At twenty-five, Felix went from thinking one of their friends had held Jack up, to this being an awful sort of prank. Pranks weren’t rare among their group of friends, but they’d never been this— this cruel. Damaging. Pranks between them were itching powder in clothes, hair dye in shampoo bottles, marker drawings on a sleeping victim’s face. It was never anything like this._

_Felix was more heartbroken than angry when he finally turned away from the lake, ready to go back to the camp and face the ridicule of his so-called friends. When he gathered up the blanket and turned to walk back down the pier, he came face to face with Jack, staring at Felix with wide, glassy eyes, his throat slit and clothes dripping wet. As Felix stared at the horrific corpse his friend had become, Jack’s blue lips mouthed his name alongside a plea to be saved._

Felix woke up in his bed with a lung-collapsing gasp. The sweaty sheets clung to his body, twisted round his legs and nearly around his throat. He’d actually come close to strangling himself in his sleep in the midst of a night terror, so he wasn’t exactly unaccustomed to untangling the accidental-noose from around his neck, though it never became any less exasperating to have to do.

He swung his legs from over his bed and looked out the large windows that were behind his bed, seeing that the sun wasn’t close to up yet. His digital clock read that it was a little after four AM. It took the sun ages to rise in early-October, so Felix had at least two more hours of absolutely nothing, as there was no way to sleep after that. His pointed ceiling boasted two sunroofs that let him see the stars above. The opposite edge of the Milky Way with the constellation Pisces shone down on him, brighter than ever with the absence of the moon. Felix took a moment longer to stare and calm his racing heart.

The dream was more than just a nightmare. It was a memory that boasted near-perfect accuracy. The only real difference to that night was that Felix hadn’t turned around to see a drowned-and-murdered Jack, but nothing at all. He’d gone back up to the camp, found no sign of the Irishman, roused his friends, and they’d scoured the woods to find nothing still. A two-month manhunt had ensued after that, Park Rangers and Police working with their families to try and find some sign of the man, but turning up nothing at all. 

And that had been three years ago. 

The last place Felix had ever seen Jack was the campsite only one mile from where Felix now lived. He’d bought an A-frame cabin meant for a family of six in the Deschutes, Oregon protected park, and had spent every day since Jack’s disappearance searching for him. By acting as a park ranger, he was legally permitted to live on the grounds, while officials knew damn well that Felix hadn’t given up on his search and let him continue, never letting Felix see their looks of pity. From sunup to sundown, Felix would hike the woods he now knew better than his own reflection in search of his missing… whatever Jack had been. 

That was one of the hardest parts. They hadn’t even had time to decide what they were to each other before Jack had just disappeared without a trace. 

It was arguably one of the many reasons why Felix was having such a hard time letting go. Even Jack’s family had accepted Jack being dead. They’d invited Felix to the empty-casket they’d buried in the ground in lieu of a funeral for their dead son. He’d been the only one of their friends not to show. He’d seen it as a mockery, as giving up. Moments before Jack had disappeared, Felix had promised him that the only way he would ever give up on Jack would be if Jack explicitly told him to fuck off. 

Jack hadn’t done that. Jack had told him to go to Lava Lake and wait for him. Felix hadn’t been told to fuck off, so no way in hell was he going to quit. The only way Felix would stop would be if he found Jack, or found his body. And even then, he wasn’t sure he’d attend the funeral. 

Felix got up and off his bed, stepping gently down the wooden stairs into the lower floor of his cabin. The loft held the bedroom and bathroom (which featured the one item he splurged on in this place— a rainfall shower on black marble tile) and the lower level had the spacious living room that looked out through paneled glass on both sides into the dense surrounding forest, with the kitchen and small dining area to the left, and with storage under the stairs and a stone fireplace to the right. Felix’s truck was parked outside, the Oregon State Park emblem on the side of the white Ford just barely visible in the dark. Everything inside the cabin was wood and wool, meant for cold nights and temperamental weather. The paneled windows were installed for practical uses, like spotting fires and emergency flares, rather than aesthetics. 

Everything in this cabin was self-sustaining, down to the solar panels along the slanted roof, to the backup generator in the shed behind the cabin. If Felix were perfectly honest, he would say he loved his home. But he couldn’t comfortably say that without feeling like he was finding something good out of Jack’s disappearance. The guilt would give him an ulcer.

He should have waited. The last thing Felix had wanted to do was leave Jack. He’d wanted to take Jack by the hand and pull him through the forest to the lake, reaching their destination together. He should have insisted on not splitting up, because the forest was a dangerous place no matter how often they had camped there. Lava Lake had been the sight of an unsolved murder, and time had made them stupid. He shouldn’t have gone alone and he shouldn’t have left Jack by himself. He had been the last person to see Jack, and his lust had been what damned Jack in the end. 

Felix was sure everyone blamed Felix for just about the damn majority of Jack’s disappearance, and they were right to do it. To be honest, Felix was a little amazed he’d been invited to the faux-funeral at all. For all of Felix’s talk of their friends remaining loyal all those years ago, the only person who even talked to Felix anymore was Mark. And Felix was lucky to have that at all. Maybe he was partly at fault for his isolating behavior in becoming a park ranger and searching for Jack endlessly in favor of building a life beyond what had happened, but he couldn’t be expected to just _forget._ That would be inhuman in its own way.

Felix had two hours before sunup. He told himself that again as he pattered around his kitchen, trying to match the silence of the forest outside. He could make an omelet, as he had eggs from the last delivery, or he could pour himself a bowl of cereal. But he still felt a bit off from the nightmare and decided that maybe he wouldn’t have breakfast just yet. He wouldn’t want to get sick. Felix grabbed his laptop from the coffee table and sat down on the wooden couch with the rustic wool pattern. Opening the laptop revealed the page he’d left off on.

Felix, on his down time, when he couldn’t sleep from the nightmares and had run his body ragged in his endless search, was an author. And a pretty damn good one at that, functioning under a pseudonym of only his last name, writing horror novels that excited and delighted a healthy cult following he’d curated for himself. If he could say he was proud of anything he had become, it would be this. His psychology degree lied forgotten and covered in dust. He hadn’t even walked at his graduation. But his novels, at least, were above mediocre and brought some form of entertainment to the world. Felix was a dead end with no future in his endless search. Writing his novels allowed him to pretend he was some semblance of a productive member of society.

He’d left off with a girl being eaten alive.

Felix grimaced at the words on the paper, the last sentence he’d written being: _“the sound of her flesh being torn from her leg had her wanting to live more than ever before.”_ Her name was June and she was going to die in the next couple paragraphs. 

Felix’s works had been called depraved and depressing, and he wholeheartedly agreed. Every single novel he’d written, down to the gory details, was inspired by the dreams he suffered. The countless possibilities of what could have become of Jack. Had he drowned? Had his throat been slit? Had he fell down a slope and cracked his head open on a sharp rock, brains spilling onto the forest floor? Had he broken an ankle and blacked out from the pain, coming around in time to feel a wolf take out a chunk of his esophagus? Had he been impaled by an ill-placed fallen log? Had he died quickly or slowly? Had he screamed for help or had death been too fast? Or had he been too afraid to scream at all? 

Felix couldn’t stop thinking about it. The horrible images plagued his thoughts. He knew he should have sought out therapy long ago, but he couldn’t leave this place. Not until he found Jack, in however many pieces he would be.

Jack wasn’t alive. Felix knew as much. He’d given up on finding the man he loved long ago, and was simply driving himself to insanity in search of a corpse.

Felix put his reality from his mind and set about killing June as kindly as he possibly could when someone was being torn asunder. It wasn’t even a zombie story— he would never stoop so low— it was about a sister finding her long lost twin brother only to discover he was a cannibal. June wasn’t the twin sister, she was just the best friend-slash-previous love interest for the sister. 

It was complicated if he got down to the meat of it, but a lot of his stories were. He enjoyed the complication. All of his stories took place in seemingly harmless forests and lakes, and his readers had theories that all the stories took place in the same forest, just at different times. If only they knew how right they were. Every single story took place in a different variation of Jack’s death, all at the same damn lake. It was all the same universe, all the same person even. But Felix couldn’t let people know that. He’d definitely be carted away to an asylum by professionals like himself. 

June was dead within the hour, the sister finding her body and trying to understand how her brother could do something like this. Felix could write something more about lost love, but the semblance was making his hands shake. He needed to take a break before the parallels became too obvious, even for himself. 

Felix got up, made a cup of coffee, and spent the last remaining moments of darkness staring into the woods and remembering Jack, streaking between the trees with a sparkler between his teeth. The idiot had lost a bet to Wade and had been too drunk off of watered down whiskey and champagne to think of the mosquitoes that would practically destroy his naked body. He’d spent the last three days of their camping trip covering himself in Arnica, bemoaning his mistake, and asking Felix to spread the Arnica across his back because he couldn’t reach. One of Felix’s favorite memories.

Something darted across his view of the trees, black as the trunks. He jumped, startled, and craned his neck to see what it had been. It was still so dark outside. He pressed his nose to the glass, trying to make out anything in the darkness. There was nothing for a long moment. His eyes started to play tricks on him. He thought he saw a face. 

The thing about this place— and why Felix knew he shouldn’t have left Jack on his own that night— was that Lava Lake was the site of the unsolved murders of three men back in January of 1924. They’d been found dead, frozen in the lake, probably murdered back in December, shotgun wounds to the three of them. This lake already had a history to it, and the locals and a few hikers reported seeing some gruesome figure that stalked the woods like a pseudo-Jason. Felix took those stories at a dime a dozen, but he was a horror novelist. His mind enjoyed playing tricks on him. A little extra torture for the guilt he wallowed in. 

The sun came up with no extra drama. Felix dressed in his ranger uniform, packed his lunch and dinner, pulled on his hiking boots, and set out. June’s murder was fresh on his mind, and it was the rainy season, so the ground was shifting, things long buried being uncovered by the weather. Felix had grounds to check and people to lead along. 

Felix made a small prayer to himself that today wouldn’t be the day he found what he was looking for, and set out.

. . .

A little girl had challenged Felix’s knowledge of the different kinds of trees and he’d let her teach him some things he already knew. A kind couple had flagged down his help when the elderly wife had turned her ankle, and her frail husband had desperately tried to set some sort of fire to signal for help with the smoke. Felix had waited with them until the paramedics arrived and just left the couple with a firm warning that fires were not allowed outside of designated campsite zones. Felix didn’t give them a citation. 

A group of cub scouts had asked after the murders, and Felix had embellished for the fun of it, then told them they could not camp here tonight, as another large storm was forecasted and the campsites were not safe for use. The fisherman that basically lived on the opposite end of the lake for over ten years, Mr. Wilkins, had given Felix a sandwich for no reason and had reminded him to double check his backup generator before the storm.

The park closed early at six. The coming storm was dark and terrifying above the trees, the wind violently whipping leaves around. Even the animals were smart enough to hide from the coming weather. 

Felix stayed out for an additional three hours, scouring the grounds. He was well familiar with the difference between human and animal bone and all he found were the remains of a deer. He was forced home by a crack of thunder that shook the ground. It was pouring rain by the time he pulled back into his home, across the low wooden bridge that stood over the Deschutes river that separated Felix’s home from the rest of the park. His tires sunk into the mud as he parked. He knew he was going to be here for the rest of the night, if not into the next day. 

Felix trudged into his home, shut and locked the door, toed off his muddy boots and hung his hat on the rack. He looked around his home with a heavy sigh, finding the coziness almost suffocating. When he’d first moved into the place, he’d imagined how much Jack would’ve loved it, until he realized how exhausting it was to be in love with a ghost. 

He went to the map hanging above the fireplace, marked a large X over the area he’d checked today with expo on the glass, then wiped off all the other X’s, as they’d no longer be accurate with the rain they were getting tonight. He took a step back and looked at all of the miles he’d have to cover. The park itself was 1.8 million acres. He still didn’t think Jack could have gone far from that night, but he’d exhausted himself of searching in that area, going as far as digging about a foot beneath the surface over nearly everything. But if Jack had been murdered and buried, he likely would have ended up more than a foot under the ground. Felix wasn’t allowed to be digging in the first place. That was why he’d learned to wait for the rain. 

Felix groaned and stretched his arms high above his head. He felt drained, from his bones to his brain. He’d managed to write a good thousand words this morning, and he was technically ahead of schedule, but even for his exhaustion, he knew he wouldn’t manage any sleep tonight. Not with the storm. An ominous crack of thunder sounded after that thought, as if affirming Felix’s assumption. The world would not let him rest.

He lied out on his couch, staring into the A-frame ceiling, letting his thoughts wander into neutral territory. There was a lull in the storm, a good five minutes without thunder, and Felix’s eyelids drooped shut. 

_He was kissing Jack in the fabric chair, holding onto Jack’s hips, tasting the man and drawing every little noise he could manage out of him. Jack trembled in his arms, alive and warm and sensitive. Jack pulled back from the kiss to look at Felix with dark eyes. He pressed their foreheads together. Lake water poured from Jack’s mouth as he said, “you keep touching me long after my corpse has gone cold.”_

Felix woke with a scream lodged in his throat as thunder shook the foundations of the cabin. He gasped for breath, running a weary hand over his face to try and recollect himself. “Fucking awful,” he said to himself. His throat was hoarse. He was covered in sweat. Felix sat up, hung his head in his hands, and compartmentalized the nightmare. 

Had he used the concept before? Could he write it out to cope without risking redundancy? He’d dreamed of… of that awful sort of thing before. Necrophilia. Finding Jack’s body and kissing his blue lips, staring into his dead eyes and finding pleasure in it anyways. Felix had vomited after having that particular type of nightmare for the first time. He couldn’t remember if he’d written that concept down before or not.

Felix glanced to his watch and saw he’d barely gotten ten minutes. He’d fallen into REM rather quickly, apparently. He was definitely exhausted. Felix stood from the couch, readied himself to go upstairs and take a shower.

Again, the only thing Felix had splurged on whatsoever in this place was the shower. And since most of the water was recycled and even sourced from the rainfall itself, he didn’t feel any additional guilt for the amenity. The rainfall shower head was stainless steel and clean, a stark contrast to the old plexiglass walls of the shower itself, and the aged black tile beneath his feet. Everything else in the bathroom (and his kitchen) had brass accents. His shower head was almost enigmatic. He stripped down, grimaced at his body because he just hadn’t felt like himself or worth much since Jack— despite the way he had filled out and hardened from three years of constant exertion— and stepped into the warm spray of the faux-rainfall. 

The warm water soothed away the aches and pains, bringing away the dirt and sweat and leaving him clean. But his chest hurt. It ached and twisted as he watched Jack kiss him behind his shut eyelids and talk about his disappearance. Felix wasn’t a detective. He wasn’t a forensic anthropologist. He didn’t like death and he didn’t like to think about the evil people were capable of. Felix had become a psychologist to help people. Now he couldn’t even help himself. 

“Jesus christ, just stop,” Felix suddenly said aloud to himself, his voice booming and reverberating off the tile. “He, he wouldn’t want this. Jack wouldn’t want you to suffer.” If there was anything at all that Felix was positive of now, it was that Jack had truly intended to meet Felix by the lake, and something had kept him from it. But Jack had wanted him. Jack wouldn’t want him to suffer.

If he were honest, Jack would have wanted him to move on, too, but Felix couldn’t go _that_ far. He was losing his sanity, after all. Felix felt like he could afford a couple personal fibs just to keep his purpose.

He chose something else to think about. Something nicer. The first time he’d met Jack— they’d had the same introductory astrobiology course, and they’d sat together because Felix had recognized the melodic death metal band Jack had been boasting on his t-shirt, and they’d quickly bonded over being foreign students. Felix’s crush had hit him hard within that very class period, when the professor had given them an introductory lecture and had pronounced Uranus as “Urine-us.” Jack had broken into fits of giggles and drawn Felix a crude image of the planets all peeing on Uranus and that was when Felix had realized that he thought this dumb kid was actually really fucking cute. 

The memory made Felix smile as he washed the cheap soap from his hair and carefully scrubbed his beard before stepping out of the shower. He avoided his reflection in the mirror and pulled on a pair of jeans and a lilac sweater. Since he didn’t plan on going to bed, he was going to stay relatively dressed in case he had to go outside and address any emergencies. 

His satellite phone rang on his kitchen table downstairs. When he picked it up, he gambled on who it could be. Felix relaxed immensely at the voice he heard greeting him on the other line.

“Good to hear from you too, Mark,” Felix said, playing with the hem of his fraying sweater. 

_“I saw the forecast is pretty doom and gloom over there. You locked down tight? I don’t hear the world ending, so I’m going to assume you’re being smart and staying indoors.”_

A violent crash of thunder interrupted Felix’s response. He winced. “That may have sounded pretty damning, but I do promise I’m inside.”

_“God dammit, Felix, you’re gonna make my hair go grey.”_

“Could be worse,” Felix said, glancing outside through the panel windows. Everything was pitch black until a flash of lightning lit the trees, casting a sharp shadow that had Felix seeing monsters he knew weren’t real. He grimaced and, once again, remembered those murders from nearly a century ago. He doubted that murderer was still alive and in this area, but you never knew. Copycats were a thing. Still. Felix had checked the grounds before locking up the gate. There’d been no cars except his own and no lingering campers trying to push their luck. There shouldn’t be anyone out there. “Did you see how long it was supposed to last?”

_“You didn’t check?”_

“I only get wifi once a week, and that’s if the skies are clear.”

_“It’s supposed to be bad until morning, tomorrow. Do you have enough food and shit? What happens if it floods?”_

“I leave.”

_“But if the river overflows—”_

“I radio for a ride out.” Felix cast a glance to his HAM radio and the hand radio that was charging beside it, running his eyes over it to make sure everything was fine. Nothing was out of place. It should work well enough if he needed it, though the sound of static when finding the right channel had always made his skin crawl. One time he’d flicked through the channels and had found a voice, a low garbled male speaking in tongues. It had spooked the hell out of Felix. He hadn’t gone back to that channel ever again and none of the other rangers had known it existed, so he figured it was just a shitty prank. “I’ll be fine, Mark.”

_“When do you go into the fire tower?”_

“We’re in the rainy season, so it’s less necessary to have someone manning that,” Felix said. “And the rain right now is so bad that any tree hit by lightning will be doused quickly so long as we’re attentive. The wind is nearly horizontal.” Mark didn’t reply, sounding unimpressed. Felix sighed. “We’ve also got it manned right now. New kid. I haven’t met him.”

_“And he’ll see it if you don’t?”_

“Mark, I’m not about to be burned down with this place, and I know how to keep from drowning if there’s a flood. I’ve been doing this for three—”

_“For three years, yes, I know. But I…”_

Mark trailed off, and Felix waited patiently for him to speak. He knew Mark rather well at this point, knew how he talked and coped and thought things through. He needed this pause to get his words right to avoid possibly offending Felix. It didn’t matter how many times Felix had assured Mark he couldn’t be offended, Mark still wanted to try.

_“I want you to come home,”_ Mark finally said. _“After this summer. If you don’t find him by the end of August next year, I want you to come home. Please. I-I know you don’t have anything out here, but Amy and I have an extra room. There are plenty of opportunities for someone with your skills. Or you could keep writing, write happier things. You’re welcome with us. You can’t keep doing this. It’s not life, it’s, it’s like you’re stuck in time. I lost Jack. I lost one of my best friends. And having you gone is like losing another friend every single day.”_

“I know, Mark,” Felix said, because they’d had this conversation before. “But I need to find him.”

_“I don’t blame you, Felix.”_

“You’re only one among countless others.”

_“They’ve forgiven you.”_

“You know they haven’t.”

_“If you had come to the funeral, you would have seen that they’ve forgiven you. They expected you. They had a seat up front. They wanted you to say a few words as they buried the casket.”_ Mark had told him this too. He was weary of this fight, but he couldn’t begrudge Mark for fighting it at all. Mark cared more than Felix’s own parents. Felix twisted his fingers in his sweater and tried to keep his patience.

“I couldn’t bury him without knowing he’s actually been put to rest. I am sorry, Mark, but I need to ask for you to let me do this.” There was silence on the line. Felix sighed. “We’ll take stock again in August. No promises.”

_“Can I at least expect you for the wedding?”_

“Is it still in February?”

_“Yes sir.”_

Felix smiled softly. He’d met Amy a handful of times, whenever Mark had been able to stomach leaving his biomedical engineering job to come back to the park. She was a lovely girl, someone Mark deserved. Happy and positive and strong willed. The perfect woman for someone like Mark. “I’ll be there. Though I still want to contest being your best man. I know you want me to feel welcome, but you don’t have to go that far.”

_“I’ve made my decision. You’ve a nameplate and everything. Better get that speech ready.”_

“I’ll say it in Swedish just to fuck with you.”

_“You wouldn’t dare. Gonna bring a plus one?”_

“You ask that every time. The answer is still no.”

Felix had been pacing his living room in idle zen when he heard something from outside, behind his house. He slowed and pulled the phone from his ear, training his hearing, listening for anything. Over the raging storm outside, there was nothing for a long time. Mark called out to him, concerned. Then Felix heard it again. A voice screaming from the darkness. Felix stopped in his tracks, craned his neck to try and angle his head like it would make things easier to hear. There was nothing again for the next few seconds, and then—

_“Help!”_

“I have to go.”

Felix sprang into action, pulling on his shoes and grabbing his flashlight and flare gun after hanging up abruptly on Mark. He grabbed his hand radio as an afterthought and burst into the storm, nearly being knocked over by the severity of the wind. The rain was sharp, like bullets on his skin. He probably should have pulled on something aside from his sweater, which was already being logged down by the rain, but that scream for help was ringing in his ears and he didn’t know how long anyone could last out here. As he pushed deeper into the woods behind his home, he chanced a glance behind him, down the road to see how badly flooded the river was. The reflective warning lights by the bridge were gone. The water level was too high. He wouldn’t be able cross the river, so he’d have to radio for help if someone was out here and injured.

“Hello!” he shouted into the storm, shining his flashlight around, trying to catch sight of anything proving to be difficult with such low visibility. “Is anyone out there?” 

There was no response, and Felix was seeing more monsters in the shadows inside his flashlight. He held his breath and repeated to himself that the murderer from 1924 couldn’t possibly be alive. He was not about to be killed. He was not about to be murdered by what could have possibly been Jack’s murderer. 

Wouldn’t that be poetic? Felix imagined having his throat slit and being buried right next to Jack, decaying and forgotten, yet reunited.

His mind was a fucking asshole. 

“Hello!” Felix cried out again. “If anyone’s out there, follow my voice! I can help you!”

He hadn’t left the light of his cabin, the golden glow casting his shadow out into the woods. Felix brought his hand to his face to keep the rain from his eyes, and screamed again. “Hello!”

There was a rustling in the bushes, something that wasn’t the wind or rain. Thunder cracked, lighting up the world. Felix saw a face, blurry and undefinable and completely white from between the trees. His brain insisted that he was going to die.

“Come out of there!” Felix shouted foolishly. “I won’t hurt you!”

There was an odd click, and then the power in his home went out. Felix was bathed in darkness. He was going to fucking die. “I won’t hurt you,” he whispered to the emptiness, a ragged plea to be spared because he meant no harm. Then he was thrown to the ground by hands around his neck, someone or something screaming in his face. 

Felix lashed out and tried to kick this thing off of him. The hands around his neck felt human but what the fuck did he know? He couldn’t breathe, he writhed underneath. A sharp pain burst in his side, something stabbing into his flesh. Felix cried out, using up the last of his air. He distantly wanted to see what was going to kill him. Felix flailed for his flare gun and got it in his grip, aiming for the sky and firing. 

The flare shot up into the trees, lighting up the forest with deep red like a nightmare. And Felix stared up into the face of his killer. For a moment, he thought he was already dead and seeing an angel— his angel— coming to take him away. His mind reveled in the agony of his angel bearing Jack’s face.

Except Jack looked different. Older. Thinner. Sick and frayed around the edges. His hair was a mess and he had bruises across his face. His eyes were sunken, a sign of malnourishment. He was wearing a set of hospital scrub bottoms with his chest naked to the raging storm. He had blood at the corner of his mouth. Felix’s eyes went wide as he suddenly made sense of what he was seeing.

This was not an angel.

This was Jack.

The cabin’s power flicked back on.

Jack’s face was falling into an expression of stunned disbelief. The hands around Felix’s neck loosened and Jack let out a broken whisper of Felix’s name, almost inaudible over the storm. But even with how soft it was, Felix could tell that his voice was ruined. Then Jack’s expression washed over with fear.

“We have to run,” he croaked, scrambling to his feet and trying to pull Felix up with him. His grip was weak, beyond that of malnourishment. Felix looked down at the hands— _at Jack’s hands_ — and was sure that Jack’s wrist was twisted. “Felix, we need somewhere safe—”

Felix grabbed Jack by the back of his neck and pulled him out of the forest that Felix had spent three years blaming for Jack’s death. But Jack wasn’t dead, and even in the fear of the storm and the way Jack was saying they needed to hide, he was able to find the forest beautiful for the first time in years. Felix got Jack into his cabin, shutting and locking the door behind them. Jack was babbling frantically about not being safe, that they needed to run, so Felix took a bookcase and toppled it over in front of the door. He didn’t know what they were hiding from, but he would do anything to help Jack feel safe.

He turned around and stared at the man standing inexplicably in his living room. Where had Jack come from? Where had he been? How had Felix been unable to find Jack when Jack was _actually alive?_ How had Jack found him? What was Jack running from?

On second’s thought, Felix didn’t give a shit about any of that. He drank in the sight of Jack standing in his living room and then strode forward with every intention to pull Jack into his arms and never let go. 

Except Jack flinched violently away from Felix and that had him stopping in his tracks. Felix knew the signs of abuse. He knew the signs of trauma. Jack had had every intention to meet Felix at the lake that night. Someone had kept him from going. Someone had kept him. 

Felix held up his hands and took a step back, making himself as nonthreatening as possible. “I meant what I said,” he told Jack calmly. “I won’t hurt you. I will never hurt you.”

“What’re ye’ doing here?” Jack asked him. God, it was like nails had been shoved down his throat. He looked so small and broken, standing with his knees turned in and his eyes bright and wide against the bruises. There were dark marks around his neck, like he’d been strangled. He was cradling his wrist to his chest— it was definitely injured. “Christ, Felix, yer side.”

Felix looked down at himself, remembering that pain and saw that Jack had— Jack had stabbed him. He’d fucking stabbed Felix. Felix pealed back his sweater, grimacing at the blood and the tug. He pulled it up and saw that Jack had used what looked like a pair of scissors, but just one of the blades. It hadn’t even gone in more than an inch. Felix had a first aid kit upstairs. The stab wasn’t close to anything vital. “I’ve suffered worse,” Felix assured Jack, not wanting him to feel guilty. Jack had clearly been defending himself. “You did a good job,” he told him. “If I’d been an assailant, you would have been able to make a break for it. Very smart.” He smiled at Jack, finding the gesture easier than breathing. God, _Jack was in his living room._

“I’m so sorry.”

Felix shook his head, going to his kitchen to grab a paper towel. He pulled the scissors from his side and pressed the paper into it to staunch the bleeding, not that there was actually much to worry about. “You did the right thing,” he assured Jack from the kitchen. “I, uh.” He faltered, not knowing what to say from here. He wanted to ask after what had happened, but Jack wasn’t in the right mind for that. Felix didn’t know what he could be forced to relive in talking about it. “Are you hungry?” he settled on instead.

Felix smiled wider when Jack’s shoulders slumped and he confessed, “starving.” But then Jack said, “But we can’t. Felix, we ain’t safe. We need to leave.”

Felix grimaced. “We can’t leave, Jack.”

“There’s a fuckin’ truck, I’ve seen it, we have to—”

“The Deschutes river is completely flooded,” Felix told him, keeping his tone steady and calm. “We won’t be able to go anywhere in this storm.”

“There’s got to be some emergency way.”

Felix nodded, looking to the HAM radio. “I can get someone to send down a helicopter once the storm clears up. No one in their right mind will fly in this. Once the wind dies down, I’ll get someone to send a lift.” He wanted Jack in a hospital. He needed to be looked over. He needed legitimate medical attention that Felix couldn’t provide. But for now, “Let me look at your wrist. I know how to work a splint. I’ll radio for a helicopter tomorrow and they’ll get you out of here.”

Felix expected Jack to find comfort in this, but he only paled. “We’re gonna die, Felix.”

“It’ll be fine, Jack, we’ll last the next twenty-four hours, easily.”

“We’re going to die tonight.”

“Jack, I don’t—”

“He’ll kill us both.”

A pronoun. A person. Felix stared at Jack, unsure of how to calm him down. Jack was visibly shaking, though it might not be the cold. Felix pulled his sweater down over the paper towel to keep it in place and approached Jack slowly, hands in the air, making sure he could see every inch of Felix. “We’re going to be fine,” he promised. “Even if he- he shows up, I can radio for help and they’ll make the trip anyway.”

“He has a VSP, Felix, I’ve seen it.”

Felix’s eyes went wide. A VSP, or HAM radio jammer. If whoever this was had every intention to kill and did have that kind of equipment, there was no telling what would happen to them. But Felix wasn’t sure if Jack should be this paranoid. Hell, he didn’t even know for sure if Jack had been kidnapped. It was very likely that Jack had hit his head and stumbled through the woods, barely surviving on his own. It made little sense, but neither did the idea that a kidnapper could have been living in Felix’s park without him knowing. Except Jack had been here all along, and Felix had never known. But— nearly two million acres was hard to keep track of. 

“Let me check out your wrist, Jack,” he pressed gently, deciding to take this one step at a time. “Let me help you. I-I… I’m so happy to see you again. I thought you were gone forever. I’m so happy you’re here.”

Jack’s face smoothed over. He wet his lips, ducking his head. “I didn’t think you’d be here. I wish you weren’t.”

Felix’s heart sunk. “I—”

“How could ye’ still be here?” Jack asked. “I-it’s been… I don’t know how long, but ye’ shouldn’t be here. What are ye’ even doing?”

“It’s been three years. I’m a Park Ranger.” 

“A Park Ranger, Felix?” Jack shook his head like the words didn’t make sense. “You were meant for so much more. What the fuck happened?”

Felix swallowed hard and said, “You disappeared.”

“And?”

“And I couldn’t leave.” He smiled brokenly. “I couldn’t leave, Jack. And even though you’re upset I stayed, I’m glad I did. I’m glad you found me. I’m going to get you out of this place and everything will be okay again.”

Jack’s expression twisted. “I-I don’t want to die here.”

“You won’t,” Felix promised. “Just sit on the couch and let me look at your wrist. I’ll heat up some soup and we’ll wait out the night. I’ve got some movies downloaded. You’ve missed a lot of decent flicks. We’ll just take it easy and leave as soon as possible, okay?” Jack was still tense. Felix sighed. “Sit down, Seán.”

The name had Jack flinching. Felix was going to apologize until Jack said, “I haven’t been called that in so long.”

Felix grimaced, not liking the implications. “Sit down.” Jack finally did as told, slumping into the couch. He wiggled into it, something odd coming through his eyes. Felix wasn’t sure what conditions Jack had been kept in, but they had to be awful for Felix’s ratty couch to be such a foreign comfort. 

Felix went into his kitchen, making sure to keep his movements loud so Jack could hear him and keep track of him. He grabbed a can of chicken noodle soup, wanting to have something that would help Jack’s body fight any oncoming cold symptoms, as he looked like he’d been in that storm for a while. They were both dripping wet. Fuck. Felix glanced over his shoulder. Jack was covered in dirt and grime. He needed to shower but Felix didn’t know if Jack was trustworthy enough to be allowed to strip down and bathe. Still.

“Do you want a change of clothes?” Felix offered as he heated up the stove and poured in the soup. “Maybe a shower?”

“We’re not safe, Felix.”

“I know,” Felix told him. “I’ve a gun in the closet.” A hunting rifle meant for putting down suffering animals that couldn’t be rescued and rehabilitated. “Would you like me to get it out?”

There was audible hesitation before Jack said: “Please,” his voice shattering at the end of the word. Felix nodded and went to the closet, pulling out the rifle and loading it with two bullets. He knew how to use it, and he wasn’t about to hand it over to Jack, who was not only unlicensed, but on edge to the bone. Felix couldn’t risk Jack blowing off his own foot, so he slung it over his shoulder, letting Jack see that he had it. 

Felix paused. “I’m going upstairs very quickly.” He ran up, grabbed the first aid kit, then came back down. Jack was still sitting on the sofa, staring into the blackness of the storm. Lightning lit the world up, and Jack flinched. “It’s alright,” Felix soothed. “It’s just a storm.”

“He’s out there,” Jack whispered. “He’ll kill us.”

“Let me see your wrist, Jack.”

Jack held out his hand obediently. It was crooked and angled an odd way. Felix took Jack’s wrist and—

Nearly fucking passed out, holy hell, Jack was warm and alive in his hand, Felix could feel his heartbeat in the blue vein, _Jack was alive._ Felix stared at Jack in his hand and struggled not to cry. He tried to hold his breath to keep it at bay, but he couldn’t manage it. Tears welled in his eyes. _He was so fucking happy._ Jack was alive, he was in Felix’s home, his wrist was in Felix’s hand, and he was alive. Jack let out a noise of confusion, which Felix answered with a shuddered sob. “I looked for you for so long.”

Jack was silent, forcing Felix to look up at him and see how Jack was watching him with such heartache. “I never wanted this for ye’,” Jack told him in a trembling voice, shaking his head. “I spent that whole time dreamin’ ye’d moved on. Became a doctor. Helped people. Now look at ye’. You didn’t even try.”

Felix didn’t know what to say, so he opened the first aid kit and started fashioning the splint. He had a wrist brace in here, which would help. Felix first dried off Jack’s arm with more paper towels. He grabbed pencils from the coffee table for extra measure, lying it out along the splint wrap, then wrapping it a second time with regular gauze, before loosely putting the wrist brace round it. Definite overkill, but _this was Jack._ Felix could never be too careful.

“I don’t think it’s broken,” He told Jack. “But I do think it’s too fucked for you to risk using. Are you hurt anywhere else?”

Jack made a face. “I don’t think so.”

Felix paused. “… Can I look?”

Jack shuddered. “No.”

Felix nodded. “Okay. Well. If you want to take a shower, I’ll have to take that off of you, as we can’t let it get wet.” He stood with a wince. “I’m gonna take care of my side. Just stay here, yeah? The soup will be done soon.”

Jack went back to staring out the window. “He knows I’m gone. He’ll come soon.” Felix didn’t want to know who “he” was, and he hoped he would never find out. He set about taking care of his own wound and tried to keep from staring at Jack too much. Then Jack said, “could I have something warmer t’ wear?”

“Upstairs,” Felix told him, keeping the gun over his shoulder just for Jack. “I’ll keep watch, if you want,” but that didn’t seem to be what Jack wanted, because his eyes went huge and and frantic at the thought. “Or I’ll come with you,” Felix amended. “I’ll pick something out for you. And then we’ll maybe wipe away some of the dirt and get some food in you. We’ll hunker down and watch a movie until the storm is gone and then I’ll take you home.” Felix made himself smile to offset the frazzled way Jack was looking at him.

“Does that sound good?” he asked Jack. “Seeing your friends and family again. They’ll be so happy to see you.” Maybe not to see Felix, but they wouldn’t be able to deny that Felix had been the one to bring him home. If only Felix could say he’d actually found Jack.

Then again, that only meant that Felix could be in awe of Jack’s courage and bravery. And he’d be able to look everyone in the eye and tell them that Jack was going to be okay, regardless of what happened, because Jack had been strong enough to save himself. “Your mother will be overjoyed.”

Jack looked sad. “We won’t last the night, Felix.”

Felix was at a loss for words. “Are you…” He didn’t know how to ask this, so he took a page out of Mark’s book and gave himself a moment to think about what he wanted to ask. “You are… no longer where you were. Doesn’t that make you feel a little better?”

Jack shook his head. “He doesn’t have me anymore, but he will come. And now I’ve only put you in danger because I know that, since ye’ve been looking for me for three years, ye’ won’t let me leave t’ keep ye’ safe.”

Felix blinked slowly. “Damn right I won’t let you leave.”

_”He will kill you, Felix.”_

“I don’t even know who _he_ is.”

“I don’t even know his name,” Jack said, his expression breaking. “H-he just told me t’ call him daddy, I—”

Felix’s eyes went wide in alarm and he lost all pretense of approaching Jack slowly, sitting down in front of the other man on the coffee table, looking him dead in the eye. “You told me you don’t think you’re hurt anywhere else,” he said carefully. “But I need to know what injuries we could be dealing with. Sexual assault is very serious, Jack, and could lead to infection and disease depending on the severity of it, so I need you to tell me—”

“Felix, calm down,” Jack interrupted. “I wasn’t— he didn’t— Felix, it wasn’t like that.”

Felix wasn’t sure he believed him. He dragged his eyes over Jack, over the hospital smock bottoms and the ages of skin revealed to the world. Jack had old bruises across his chest and arms, a few cuts that could have been from branches during his escape. But the green and purple and fading yellow were not new and Felix couldn’t get the images of rape victims out of his head, pictures he’d been forced to look at over and over again so he would learn what the physicals signs were. And while Jack wasn’t showing all of them, he was showing quite a few.

“I’m okay, Felix,” Jack said, voice cracking. “I am. He didn’t— I wouldn’t let him.”

Felix felt like the air had been punched from his lungs. “That doesn’t make me feel any fucking better.”

“I’m okay,” Jack promised. “I wouldn’t let him do that to me. I-I let him do a lot, I had to, but not that. I wouldn’t let him because—” Jack cut himself off and cut his eyes away. “I-I need clothes. Please. Something other than this.”

Felix nodded and beckoned him up the stairs. At the top of the staircase, Jack took a long moment to peer around, taking in every little detail. Felix’s bedroom was actually rather bare. No photos, no hobbies, not even the guitar that Felix had kept with him all through university and boasted he would keep all through his life. Felix’s bed was just white sheets and a white duvet over white pillows, no color at all. Felix thought it worked well with the deep wood of the walls and furniture, but now it just looked lonely to him. He told Jack to sit down, but Jack shook his head. “I can’t dirty yer bed.”

“I really don’t give a shit.”

_”I can’t dirty yer bed.”_

Felix frowned at the vehement denial and turned to face Jack from where he’d originally been going through his closet. “Any particular reason?” Jack just stared at him with hollow eyes. “Are you going to be okay wearing my clothes or should I just grab something out of the dirty laundry to make you more comfortable?” 

He didn’t mean to come off as rude as he ended up sounding. Jack bristled and bared his teeth, grinding out, “If you’re gonna be a fuckin’ shit head, I’ll just—”

“I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Do ye’ not believe me?” 

“Believe what?”

“That he’s fuckin’ out there.”

Felix paused. He genuinely wasn’t sure. Jack was showing bruises, the signs of prolonged abuse, and he was afraid of someone, but Felix wasn’t sure that whoever _he_ was actually posed the deathly threat Jack was so afraid of. He didn’t believe that someone was out there hunting Jack— and coincidentally, him— right now. He believed that they were safe to last the night and get out of here. He didn’t believe that _he_ was outside, stalking the woods for Jack. Not in this weather. He likely hadn’t even noticed Jack was gone and wouldn’t until the morning.

“I believe someone took you,” Felix told Jack after a moment. “And I believe he kept you for a long time.”

“But ye’ don’t think he’s out there.”

Felix winced. Thunder cracked and the cabin shook. “Not in this storm.”

Jack came forward and shoved Felix back hard enough to knock Felix off balance. The push was so sudden that Felix didn’t have time to try and catch himself. He hit the door of his closet hard, knocking his head. Correcting himself tweaked the stab wound in his side. And Jack was a terrifying figure, staring Felix down with fury in his eyes.

“He will never, ever let me go,” Jack snarled, pushing into Felix’s space, leaving him no room to breathe. “He will kill the world t’ get me back. He loves me more than himself. He’ll kill me before he lets anyone else have me. Daddy will tear out yer fuckin’ throat before he lets you taint me!”

This was the first sign of Jack experiencing some sort of damaged psychosis. Felix wasn’t afraid. He knew how to deal with broken people, and the fact that it was Jack made it even easier. So he looked Jack dead in the eye and stated, “Daddy can’t survive a rifle round between the eyes.”

Jack’s eyes shuttered and he took a step back. “You’re right,” he murmured, almost dazed. “I think. I think you’re right.”

Felix watched him stumble back like he was in a dream. “What happened, Jack?” he asked, unable to let it go now that he heard about this sick fucking “daddy.” What kind of weird deep web porn was this? Felix wasn’t sure if the title was supposed to be sexualized or not, but it was an old joke he and Jack and Mark used to have— calling each other “daddy” casually just to fuck with anyone listening in. Now it meant something perverted and disturbing to Jack and and Felix wasn’t sure what even was the purpose of the title. Was it meant to be degrading? Setting a sort of familial status? Was it meant to be sexual or was it entirely innocent? Would Felix be able to keep himself from laughing next time Jack said that in a way that wasn’t meant to be a joke simply because Felix was wired to see it as a joke regardless? Fuck, Felix didn’t know what to do. 

“I don’t know what happened,” Jack said. “I don’t know how long it’s been.”

“Fucking christ, Jack, I told you. Three years. Do you have head trauma?”

“Three years,” Jack repeated in a hushed whisper. “Three years. Three years.”

“Three years.” Felix bit his lip. “Does that make sense?”

“You’ve been here three years?”

Felix nodded slowly.

Jack shook his head. “You’re a fucking idiot.”

Felix sighed. Heavily. Just let out everything, let his shoulders slump, let the exhaustion show. “I know, Jack.”

“No, ye’ don’t,” Jack insisted. “Ye’ don’t fucking know. You’re such a _fucking idiot_ , Felix, you’ve wasted your entire fucking life and ye’ ruined everything for yourself. _You’ve ruined fucking everything!_ Ye’ should have just moved on. How could you do this to yourself? You’re supposed to be smarter than this! You were supposed to have a future! You ruined everything!”

“Do you want to take a shower?” Felix asked, going back to his closet, choosing to ignore Jack to keep from saying something awful. He nearly lost his balance, though, when Jack shoved him again. Felix only barely caught himself on the doorframe to keep from falling into the closet. “Jack, seriously—”

“You’re so fucking stupid!” Jack shouted, full of rage. “How could you do this? How could ye’ be so fuckin’ blind? I didn’t want you to stay! I didn’t want you to be here! I kept dreaming ye’d gotten a swanky job and a big house and married!”

“You thought I’d marry someone in three years?”

“I’d thought ye’d fucking try!” Jack snarled. “Look at ye’, wasting away! The only reason I ain’t moved on is cause I was kept in a fucking cave! You did this to yourself! You’re so fucking stupid! I fuckin’ hate ye’ for this, Felix!”

Felix shoved Jack back, unable to take it anymore. “Get in the fucking shower.” 

“You’re the stupidest fucking idiot I’ve ever—”

Felix took Jack by the arm, digging his fingers into the meat, pulling Jack into the bathroom. His jaw hurt from how hard he was clenching it to keep from screaming back. He pushed Jack into the front of the shower and reached around him to turn it on, hot water falling. The splint was an issue, but Felix didn’t give a shit if it got wet at this point. A little water never killed anybody and Jack wasn’t exactly cooperating. “Get in the fucking shower.”

“You’re a fucking mistake,” Jack snapped, eyes wild. There was definitely something broken in his brain, something that was making him vicious. Jack stepped into Felix’s space, nearly nose to nose, trying to be as threatening as possible when all Felix could see was the stark bruise across Jack’s cheek. “Ye’ve failed everyone,” Jack hissed. “Ye’ve failed me. I had such high fucking hopes for ye’, but look at you now. Hiding in the fucking woods, chasing a ghost! You’re a fucking idiot and ye’ve got no one to blame but yourself! What if ye’d never found me, Felix? What if I’d never come back? Ye’d waste away into nothing! You’re already nothing!”

“I had to find you,” Felix ground out, digging his nails into his palms to keep from hitting Jack. “I couldn’t do anything else. Nothing else made sense. Everyone already hated me. I had nothing.”

“Nothing for nothing,” Jack growled. “You’re fucking nothing. All of that studying, all of that time, wasted, dead at your fuckin’ feet.”

“I had to find you, Jack.”

“You didn’t have to find shit. You’re fucking selfish! Ye’ blamed yourself and only thought of you! Not of the family ye’ve failed, or the friends ye’ve let run ahead of ye’. You’ve abandoned them all! You should have abandoned me! You didn’t even save me!”

“Jack, stop.”

“How could you do this? What were you expecting? What could have been worth it? All ye’ did was watch a fucking park! What was supposed to happen? Why would you do this? What could possibly be worth throwing everything away for? _Why would you do this to yourself?!_ I almost wish I’d died so ye’d see the error of your ways and get your fucking life together!”

Felix took Jack by the shoulders and spun him around, slamming him into the plexiglass of the shower. He furiously blinked away tears, not wanting to cry in front of Jack. “I had to find you,” he choked out. “It was all I could think about. I loved you. I was supposed to meet you at that lake and never be away from you ever again. I loved you so much. And I stayed because I loved you and to this day, I still do.”

Jack’s eyes went wide, the sense knocked back into him like gears falling back into rhythm. “Even now?”

“Especially now.” 

Felix watched Jack swallow, the bob of that bruised Adam’s Apple too much for him to ignore. Then Jack said, “I’ve been in love with ye’ since you forgot to answer your name for role call in that Astro-Bio course. Daddy tried to break me of it. He never could.” Jack trembled under Felix’s arms, though the warm mist of the shower spray was finally reaching them. “I’ve loved ye’ ever since and I didn’t dare think you still could. I dreamed of ye’ happy and married so it would hurt less.” Jack shook his head. He was crying. “I couldn’t dare think of you still loving me because it would only hurt more that I couldn’t get back to ye’.”

Felix didn’t know what to do, so he decided to just stop thinking about it. He pushed Jack into the shower, putting him under the spray, and kissed him hard. All of the rules Felix knew disappeared, all of the warnings he’d read and the things to avoid. All he knew was that Jack was back and they still felt _something_ for each other and he was tired of being alone. He pressed into Jack, tasting him. It wasn’t s’mores and beer, but it was still Jack and it had Felix’s heart racing. 

He pressed Jack into the wall, hands on the other man’s bare shoulders, feeling how thin he’d become from whatever he’d survived. Felix reflexively loosened his grip, running his thump over the dip of Jack’s collarbone, making his touch gentle. The simple effort was rewarded with a shudder from Jack that was so strong, Felix was able to feel it through his lips. Arms encircled Felix’s neck, pulling him closer. Jack came alive against him, pressing every inch of himself to Felix.

“I think there’s something wrong with me,” Jack said into Felix’s mouth. “I’m so sorry— I don’t know why I yelled.”

“I really, really want to just forget that happened and get you into the shower,” Felix confessed, running his hands through Jack’s grimy hair. “And not just cause you’re really fucking dirty.”

Jack laughed, immediately flinched at the sound, and then kept laughing anyways. “Felix, I’ve never— Baths and shit, tepid water. I haven’t had a shower in three years.”

“Want me to teach you again?”

Jack’s gaze darkened and he nodded, tilting his head back against the linoleum, exposing his neck. “Ye’ve no idea what I’ve been through, Felix. Help me forget. His touch is all I’ve known. It’s all I’ve known.” Even with the awful things Jack was saying, the way he was watching Felix from under his lashes was the epitome of temptation. Felix cupped Jack’s jaw and brought him in for deeper kiss. 

“Get in the shower.”

The ghost of a grin came over Jack’s face before he pushed open the door behind him and stepped back onto the wet tile. The water immediately drenched Jack and washed away the dirt that had clung to his skin. It ran down his body like blood, pooling on the floor below. His hair became plastered to his face and the grime being washed away let Felix see the extent of the bruises and damage done to Jack’s body, but—

Felix stood outside the shower, unable to deny how his gaze was arrested by Jack’s body. While Felix had once thought him malnourished, his body didn’t exactly attest to the fact. He’d lost more than a few pounds, but he was— it wasn’t bad. His torso was lean and toned. He could stand to gain some body fat, but he hadn’t been starved. His skin was pale, almost like albinism. It made his blue eyes stand out underneath his dark hair. Felix wished he could paint, or even that he had a camera, because the way Jack looked, standing under the spray with intermixing vulnerability and bravery, was worthy of immortality. 

Then Jack opened up his arms, reaching out for Felix. “You and I both know what was meant to happen at that lake,” he told Felix, voice ragged and low. “We’re gonna die tonight— I want to make sure I have ye’ at least once.”

Felix surged forward and pushed Jack into the wall with his own body, pinning him. The water still reached them, soaking Felix’s clothes with warmer water rather than frigid rain. Jack trembled under his touch, kissing Felix desperately. “Ye’ve been alone, yeah?” Jack asked. “Just you.” When Felix nodded, Jack grinned wider. “So ye’ve got a ton of lube, right?”

Felix pulled back to gape at Jack. “Three fucking years,” he said. “And you’re still a shithead.” Jack giggled and put his forehead against Felix’s. Felix said, “I want to do this right.”

“We don’t have time,” Jack told him. “We don’t, just— fuck me, Felix. Please.”

Felix took a moment to look into Jack eyes and hated to see that Jack really did believe that this was all they were going to have. Felix wished he could take his time and prove to Jack that they weren’t about to die, that they were going to do this a thousand more times if Felix had any say in it, but the urgency was brighter than the blue. So Felix nodded and took Jack by the hips. “I’m gonna take your pants off,” he told him. “Is that okay?”

“Fucking hell, hearing you say that is a dream come true.”

Felix met Jack’s grin and slid his fingers under the elastic, pushing down the hospital smocks and letting them drop to the ground. Jack was hard— which was a fucking relief— and he moaned softly as the water met his skin. Jack winced when he caught Felix staring down his body for too long. “Is it bad?”

“I wish I could take you in my mouth,” Felix lamented. “You sure we’re gonna die?”

Jack’s expression became a little heartbroken. “Felix, I—”

He shut Jack up with a kiss, then reached into the small alcove in the wall for his soap. Unscented and anti-bacterial, best for cleaning away the dirt that clung to his skin after his days in the park. Jack eyed the bottle, furrowing his brow. “I really wasn’t referring to ye’ teaching me how t’ shower, Fe’…”

“Snarky little shit,” Felix said fondly. He popped open the top and poured a healthy amount on his fingers. “Turn around.” Jack’s eyes went wide and he did as told. Felix stared down the firm planes of Jack’s back down to the round swell of his ass, and then to the curve of his thighs. Felix wanted to worship him. “God, I wish you didn’t think we were about to die.”

“Felix, hurry.”

Felix couldn’t deny himself a moment, though. He pressed his front against Jack’s back, reaching down take Jack’s cock in his hand. Jack gasped at the touch and looked to Felix over his shoulder, his gaze heavy. “Felix, we—” Felix ignored him, pumping Jack’s cock lazily with his slicked hand, watching Jack’s expression fall into bliss. Jack sunk his teeth into his lower lip, eyes falling shut as he rocked into Felix’s hand. “It was so fucked,” Jack gasped as he fucked into Felix’s grip. “Couldn’t even get off most the time, that fucker was always there.”

Felix placed light kisses to Jack’s neck, mindful of leaving no marks of his own. Jack whimpered and tangled a hand in Felix’s hair. The movement of his hips became erratic, and Felix would have made a joke about Jack’s stamina if he wasn’t so ready to see this. Jack let out another noise, tinged with desperation. “Felix, I’m gonna— ye’ need t’ stop, I’m—”

Felix had no intention of stopping. He rocked his own hard on into Jack’s ass, hoping his wet jeans weren’t chafing against Jack’s skin. Jack was trembling against him, his whimpers becoming ragged moans as his thrusts fell into helpless jerks of his hips. “I’m gonna cum, Felix, I’m gonna—”

Jack cut himself off and cried out, curling in on himself, writhing in Felix’s arms as he came up his chest. Felix looped an arm around Jack’s chest, keeping him standing as Jack shook through the aftershocks. The force of his orgasm was almost worrisome to Felix, but if he really hadn’t had time to take care of himself while captured, it made sense that he would lose control to the onslaught. Felix pressed more kisses to his neck and released Jack’s softening cock to stroke his thigh, holding him close as he came down. The hot water of the shower felt cold against Jack’s feverish body as it washed away the mess of Jack’s release. “I love you,” he murmured into Jack’s skin. Jack whimpered.

“Get inside me, Felix.”

Felix picked up the bottle of the soap that he’d let drop to the floor to re-slick his fingers. He kicked the inside of Jack’s leg to get the other man to widen his stance. Jack spread his legs, his thighs still trembling a little. “Can you stand like this?” Felix asked, his arm still around Jack’s waist. “Do we need to—”“Felix, if ye’ don’t fuck me right now, I’m gonna go back out into that storm and hot wire yer fuckin’ truck and drive into the river.”

Felix rolled his eyes and pressed his slick fingers against Jack’s entrance in retaliation. Jack’s breath caught and his knees would have given out if Felix hadn’t still been holding him up. “What was that?” he asked, keeping his tone damningly neutral. Jack only gasped and rocked back onto Felix’s fingers, trying to get Felix to penetrate with his hips alone. “God, you really want this, don’t you?”

“Three years,” Jack gasped. “Three fuckin’ years, Felix, _please._ ”

Felix pushed a digit inside and hid his face in Jack’s neck so he could feel the moan Jack let out in Jack’s throat. Jack was warm and alive inside, tight around Felix’s finger. Felix pushed in slowly, taking his time because he didn’t want to hurt Jack. He stroked the inner walls, feeling Jack clench down. “Felix, I ain’t—”

“If I was having this my way, I’d have you in my bed and I’d be taking you apart, piece by piece, before getting to this. You’re gonna let me do at least this one thing right, Jack.” Jack’s jaw clicked with how quickly he clammed up as Felix pressed deeper and brushed against Jack’s prostate. A lucky guess on Felix’s part that was rather serendipitous in shutting Jack up. Felix grinned and crooked his finger against he bundle of nerves. “Unless you want me to stop?” 

“Fe’, I need more,” Jack begged. He rocked back onto Felix’s hand, the needy little thing watching Felix over his shoulder with dark eyes. “Ye’ can’t tell me you don’t want this too.”

Felix cursed himself and slid in a second finger. Jack’s mouth fell open in bliss, a low moan turning into the breathiest chuckle. “Oh god, that’s good,” Jack moaned. “More, yeah? I can take it.”

“You’re insatiable.” Felix spread the two fingers, stretching Jack out, not giving in to the way he pleaded. “Swear to god, if only you’d made it to the lake.”

“Remember what I said?” Jack sounded almost like he was smiling, though his tone was nothing less than self-deprecating. “I-I wanted something to take all choices from my hands.” Felix pressed against Jack’s prostate again and held him to his chest as Jack shuddered. “God, was I stupid.”

Felix kissed the back of Jack’s neck, wanting to wash away the pain in Jack’s voice like the shower had washed away the dirt. “You couldn’t have known.”

Jack just laughed at himself. “Could’ve had ye’ years ago.” Jack leaned back into Felix and twisted his neck to pressed his face into Felix’s neck, rocking back onto his fingers. Felix slid in a third, stretching Jack diligently, soaking in the noises of pleasure Jack couldn’t keep inside. Jack was still tight around his fingers, but loose enough to alleviate Felix’s concerns of hurting him. Jack groaned and his lashes fluttered. “Do you still want me, Felix?”

Felix pressed his cock into the cleft of Jack’s ass. “Does this answer your question?”

“Get yer pants off.”

Felix pulled out his fingers to worm his way out of his soaked jeans. His sweater was uncomfortably heavy at this point too, so he slung it off and tossed it out of the shower. He looked back to Jack to see he’d turned around, holding the bottle of soap. Jack’s eyes roamed Felix’s naked body with an undeniable hunger. “Three years,” Jack whispered. “You look real fuckin’ good, Felix.”

Felix smirked and allowed himself his first inkling of pride in his body. “And you mocked me for being a Park Ranger.”

“Big mistake.” Jack poured soap onto his hands and reached out to take Felix’s cock. Now that Jack was touching him for the first time, Felix became painfully aware of just how turned on he was. Jack’s touch was like electricity. He gasped and braced himself against the wall behind Jack. Jack grinned, wide and feral, stroking Felix’s cock like he knew the power he had over Felix. Felix almost worried, for a moment, until Jack said, “so fucking gorgeous.”

“Seán, if you—” Jack twisted his wrist and Felix moaned, bracing himself with both hands now. He looked down, watching Jack’s hand work him over, hypnotized by the sight. He’d imagined Jack touching him for more than three years. He almost couldn’t believe it was happening. 

“Think you’re nice and lubed up now,” Jack said, letting go of Felix far too soon. “How do ye’ want me?”

Jack made to turn around again, but Felix wasn’t having any of it. He’d been clearing paths and lifting fallen tree trunks, he could handle this. Felix went down to loop his arms under Jack’s knees, hoisting Jack against and up the wall. Jack cried out, flailing out to get his arms around Felix and hold on tight. He was afraid for only a split moment. Immediately, lust overtook the fear as he was pinned between Felix’s body and the wall. “The beard and now this— call ye’ my mountain man.”

Felix snickered and couldn’t deny himself. “Hey, is your dad a lumberjack?” he asked. “Because baby, you’re giving me wood.”

Jack laughed, then cried out in alarm like he thought he was about to be dropped. Felix held fast, though, hardly even straining. “I hate ye’ for that,” Jack simpered. “Your jokes are dumb, Felix. God, fuck.” Jack squirmed in his grip, looking down his own body and blushing. “Ye’ve got me on display for ye’ or something. This a kink?”

Felix couldn’t deny that he loved how Jack looked right now, legs spread wide by Felix, his cock hard again and straining against his stomach, entrance glistening, twitching, begging for Felix’s cock. “Maybe it is,” Felix said. “Hold on to me.” 

Jack’s grip around Felix’s neck became viselike as Felix released only one of Jack’s legs to take himself by the base and guide himself inside Jack. Jack’s grip became nails in Felix’s neck, Jack’s eyes going wide as he was stretched around Felix’s cock. He didn’t let out a noise as Felix slid deeper taking his time. Once he’d bottomed out, Felix hooked his arm under Jack’s knee again and hoisted Jack up just a little more. The lift had Jack bouncing on Felix’s cock, a cry being punched out of Jack’s lungs. 

“You kinky piece of shit,” Jack gasped. “Holy god, fuck me.”

Felix grinned and surged forward to kiss Jack, before canting his hips upward right as he dropped Jack down on his cock. Jack let out the most delicious of gasps into Felix’s mouth, his eyes glazing over. “Again,” Jack beckoned. “Fuck me like ye’ve missed me, Felix.”

Felix growled and slammed up into Jack, relishing the other man’s cry. Gravity did half the work, impaling Jack on Felix’s cock again and again, dragging over that bundle of nerves with every thrust. Jack lost his mind, steadily falling to the overwhelming waves of pleasure, his eyes lulling into the back of his head. His lips moved, a frantic mess of whispers Felix couldn’t understand. Felix Pressed his face into Jack’s neck, bracing his stance and fucking up into Jack even harder. 

“I’m close,” Jack finally managed in a ragged whisper. “Felix, you’re gonna kill me.” Felix just pressed his lips to Jack’s pulse and rolled his hips upwards, getting the right angle that made Jack moan into the air. “Oh god, Felix, more.”

Felix widened his stance, braced his forehead against the wall, and pistoned his hips up into Jack, giving the other man what he’d been begging for. Jack’s nails broke the skin down Felix’s back. His body tightened around Felix’s cock, he arched up the wall, his toes curled and ankles dug into Felix’s ass, and he came with a ragged cry that bounced across the walls and shot straight through Felix’s core. 

As Jack’s body writhed around him, Felix gasped out Jack’s name into his neck and came inside him. The pleasure that slammed into him almost made him drop Jack, but he held fast, stubbornly refusing to fail to keep him up. As the pleasure ebbed, Felix’s arms shook. Jack’s thighs were trembling around him. Felix finally unhooked his arms and Jack’s legs dropped to the floor, boneless. The only thing that was keeping Jack up was Felix’s chest pinning him to the wall. Jack’s release was pressed between their stomachs. Jack’s lashes fluttered open and he looked up at Felix with absolute devotion. Then Jack said, “Kiss me.”

Felix dipped his head down to seal their lips together. Jack moaned into his mouth and regained his footing to press upwards into the kiss. “I love you,” Jack breathed. “I wish we weren’t gonna die.”

“You’re so fucking morbid,” Felix groaned. “Why can’t you just be happy that I finally fucked you and that you’re, like, not being held captive by some freak? Just take this for what it is— a god damn good thing.” Jack smiled shakily up at him and nodded. He hid his face and clung to Felix, getting his breathing back under control. “It’s okay, Seán,” Felix promised. “You’re safe now.”

The power in his home went out, and they were swathed in darkness. 

Jack went stiff in his arms. Downstairs, Felix heard glass shatter. His brain slowed to a stuttering halt, unable to comprehend this to its full extent after his orgasm, and so soon after his promise. The irony was not lost to him. Felix turned off the shower, grateful for his knowledge of his home that allowed him to navigate it well in the dark. “Get dressed,” he hissed into Jack’s ear. He was relieved to remember he’d brought the gun upstairs and had left clean clothes for Jack on the bathroom counter. “Stay behind me.”

“He’ll kill us.”

Felix was hoping the generator had shorted out and some confused animal had just broken through a window downstairs. “Get dressed,” he repeated. “We might need to bug out.” His truck was probably useless thanks to the mud surrounding, and they couldn’t cross the river, but they might be able to make for one of the campsite bathrooms and hold out there if his house was no longer safe. He would need to play the SOS for the HAM downstairs and keep it playing until someone came and lifted them out of here, which would take a little finagling in the dark that Felix wasn’t sure he could afford to risk. Not with the way Jack was acting. But that didn’t matter. They needed to get moving. 

“I love you,” Felix said, pressing his lips to Jack’s in one last gentle kiss before pulling away and stepping carefully out of the shower to slip into his bedroom. He left Jack to get dressed, trusting the man to act well under pressure. Felix grabbed a jacket and cargo pants, stepping into them carefully, ears trained downstairs. He didn’t hear anything, but that didn’t mean they were safe. There was a hand on his shoulder. Felix whirled around, ready to strike, but stopped short when he saw Jack holding out the rifle, eyes wide and alert, dressed in Felix’s clothes. 

“Don’t you dare leave me,” Jack choked out. His hand on Felix’s shoulder was shaking. “Not again, Felix.”

Felix hadn’t thought of that.

“Stay behind me,” he told Jack. “I don’t want you aggravating any injuries.”

“I fuckin’ stabbed ye’, what about your injuries?”

If Jack really worried about stabbing Felix, he probably shouldn’t have begged Felix to fuck him moments ago. Felix ignored him and carefully took the rifle from Jack, loading the cartridge as quietly as he could. The click of the bullet sliding into place as he pulled back the slide had him flinching. There wasn’t a sound from downstairs anymore. 

“Stay close to me,” Felix whispered as he took in a deep breath and began to creep downstairs. This was his home and he knew where every weak point of wood was, every soft spot you could come across. He expertly moved down the stairs without so much as a creak, eyes trained in the darkness, ears alert for any sound like he would when listening for wildlife. He reached the bottom of the stairs and stepped around carefully, hyperaware of Jack at his back. He knew the split of his senses wasn’t smart, but he needed to keep stock on the man still being there. 

Felix peered down the scope as he looked around the door cabin for any sign of an intruder. Lightning flashed outside, providing temporary clarity, but also knocking out his night vision. Felix squinted, then squeezed one eye shut. He couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary.

There was a loud crash and the storm became so much louder. Felix darted back, a hand going out to push Jack against a wall and closer to some semblance of safety as the rock that had been thrown through his wind clattered at his feet. The rain poured into his cabin, violent wind scattering paper about. Broken glass glinted dangerously across the floor. 

“Oh god, it’s him,” Jack said, looking down at the rock. “He knows I’m here. He knows what I did. We’ll burn too.”

Felix had no idea what Jack was talking about until he looked at the rock himself and was able to see a crudely scrawled image of a figure being burned at the stake with the word “harlot” across the top. He grimaced at the implication and how much more it would mean for Jack. His attention was drawn away when he heard something unidentifiable— just the slightest of sounds, barely audible over the storm. Some sort of metal, some sort of rattle, some—

Felix caught sight of the front doorknob being tested. 

Someone was trying to get in. 

Felix took Jack by the arm and backed him up into the kitchen, going through the possible escape routes in his mind. The window upstairs would be the easiest, but it would also be the most dangerous as they would have to drop down a story into the slipper mud. There was another window above the sink, but it didn’t have a latch and they’d have to alert this intruder to their intents with breaking the glass. That left the small window in the closet under the stairs. 

Felix grabbed the handheld radio and then pushed Jack into the closet and braced it shut after following Jack inside. He slung the rifle over his shoulder before going to the window and unlatching it, pushing it upwards and letting the rods hold it open. “You first,” he told Jack after peering outside into the endless darkness and ensuring there was no one out there. Another good part of this window was that it looked into dense forest and was one of the furthest windows from the front on this side of the cabin. Jack would be able to make a clean escape even if Felix didn’t make it out after him. “Climb through and wait for me behind the generator. If I don’t show up in a minute, you run. If you hear anything, you run. And if that guys comes around? You run.”

“I ain’t leaving you,” came Jack’s trembling reply. 

“Get through the fucking window, Jack.”

There was another clamor as more windows shattered in the main room. Felix and Jack clamped their mouths shut, afraid of making any sort of noise. Even over the storm, Felix could hear the sound of footsteps, heavy thunks through his cabin. Hiking boots or maybe even fishing boots, slow and methodical. Someone was searching for them. Then there was this voice—

“Jack,” came a raspy, singsong call. It was a man’s voice, almost familiar to Felix. Jack’s name hung at the edges, drawn out by the intruder. “What did he do to you, my poor boy? If you come out, I promise I’ll forgive you.”

Jack visibly shuddered and Felix shoved him towards the window, urgently cutting his eyes to tell Jack he needed to get out. In his fear, Jack lost his ability to fight. But he also lost his ability to move. “Daddy wants me to come t’ him,” he whimpered, voice blessedly quiet even in panic. “I have t’ go to him, Felix, Daddy will be so angry—”

Felix took Jack by the scruff of the neck and pushed him to the window, crouching down to lift Jack up by the legs. Jack squeaked as he was bent through the window by Felix’s sheer strength before finally catching on and climbing out on his own. The doorknob to the closet rattled, the old fire pit kit Felix had shoved against it only barely keeping it shut. 

“You took my boy,” came that awful voice. “He’s all I have— how could you do this to an old man? Taking the only thing he has left. It’s because of people like you that this world is falling apart. You took my boy.” There was a pause, then the doorknob rattled violently. “You took my boy! _You took my boy!_ ”

Felix all but dove out the window after Jack, losing grace in his panic. He dropped into the mud with a grunt, landing badly on his shoulder. Hands pulled at his clothes, Jack pulling him to his feet. Felix slipped again in the mud as the screaming of the man followed them outside. 

_”I’ll burn you alive for touching my boy!”_

Felix got his footing and fisted his hand in the front of Jack’s shirt to bring him along as he darted into the woods. His mental map of his park was failing, but his grasp on the cardinal directions was good enough. The fire watch tower was only a mile away, and they could easily make it on foot. “The tower,” Felix told Jack as he pulled him through the tower. “We’ll make it there, get his radio, and get the fuck out.”

The new kid, Michael Anders, he would be up there. He would be able to help them. He would also have a second gun and the vantage point and limited access would make the fire tower the safest place they could be and—

“The fire tower is gone,” Jack said.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“It’s gone,” Jack repeated. “I went to it on my way here. I was going there for help first.”

Felix stopped moving so he could process the information slowly. He took stock of everything he knew— the rain, the sheer height of the tower, the man trying to catch them, Jack and his psychosis. He couldn’t be sure. “We’ll go for Lava Lake,” Felix told Jack. Not only would it give him a clear view of where the watchtower should be, but it would get them closer and give Felix a chance to use the radio. Jack, though, looked terrified.

“Not the lake,” he whispered. “Please, not the lake.”

Felix didn’t have time for Jack to lose it. He reached out and wove his fingers into the hair on the back of Jack’s head, making the other man listen to him. “I will keep you safe,” he said firmly. “I will die in keeping you safe. I need you to listen to me and keep your head on your shoulders. We’re doing to the lake.”

Jack’s expression twisted before he swallowed hard and nodded. “Don’t leave me again, Felix.”

Felix gave Jack a firm nod of his own before leaning in and kissing the other man again. Jack gasped against his lips, but not with pleasure. Felix could feel him trembling. Then Jack said, “Daddy’s gonna burn you for this,” into Felix’s mouth and Felix’s stomach churned. He pulled back from the kiss and took Jack’s hand instead of his shirt, heading in the direction of the lake. The rain poured down around them, masking not only their footsteps, but the footsteps of anyone that could be following them. It was a blessing when they broke through the thick grove of trees into the open area of Lava Lake’s shores. For a moment, Felix let himself breathe a sigh of ragged relief. Then he turned in the direction of the fire tower and saw that the whole thing was burning.

Felix went cold all over. 

“It’s my fault,” Jack whimpered, his hand shaking in Felix’s grip. “I went t’ him for help. He was so nice, he didn’t want to hurt me. He told me he was gonna call the other ranger for help but then Daddy started the fire down at the bottom and came up to take me. He tied the other man to a support beam. The fire was everywhere. He was screaming.”

Felix stared as the fire tower swayed and then crumbled. “Michael Anders,” he told Jack as he watched their hope collapse and burn away. “His name was Michael Anders.”

Jack sobbed. “I killed Michael Anders.”

Jesus fucking christ, Felix could not deal with all of this right now. Felix pulled the radio from his pocket, turned the dial and looked for any clear frequency. At this point, he was willing to accept help from just about anyone. 

“This is Felix Kjellberg, ranger at the Deschutes National Forest,” he told anyone that was listening. “The fire tower has fallen and there’s a dangerous man hunting me and a civilian. Requesting any assistance. Over.”

He repeated this over and over, into countless channels, but there was nothing but static on the other end no matter what channel Felix turned to. Jack was shaking badly now, though Felix didn’t know if it was from the rain or the fear. Felix could still see the glow of the burning fire tower. For a single moment, Felix let himself feel hopeless.

Then he re-shouldered the rifle and looked to the lake. While the storm was raging, the lake itself wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle. The waves were high, but he’d been out on the water countless times in varying conditions, some worse than this. On the other side was the small dock that had a few canoes tied to it, meant for the girls and boy scouts that would come through. “We’ll isolate ourselves on the water,” he told Jack. “Shoot anything that moves. We’ll last out the night there.”

Jack was staring out at the water like he’d rather die. “Jack,” Felix insisted. “I need you with me.” Jack only nodded again, his expression distant. Felix tugged him gently and Jack followed obediently, wherever Felix led him. 

They rounded the lake, Felix keeping a sharp eye out for anyone. The man’s voice was echoing in this head, screaming that Felix would burn. Jack’s repetition against Felix’s lips had only worsened the anxiety curling in Felix’s chest. 

Out of all of the possibilities in death Felix had explored in his writings, burning was the only one he had been too afraid to touch. 

Felix and Jack reached the docks and Felix handed Jack the rifle. “Keep an eye out,” he told the other man, depending on Jack for just a few moments. Felix went down the dock and began to ready one of the canoes, undoing the cleat hitch knot. He went to the chest at the end of the dock, pulling out a life vest for Jack and searching for the paddles. As Felix kept looking, he slowly began to realize and even accept that the paddles were gone. 

Someone had taken them.

“You shouldn’t have touched my boy.”

The voice behind him was the only warning Felix got. He turned around just in time to see one of the missing paddles being swung at his face by a large, foreboding figure. Jack stood just behind, locked in place, eyes wide in fear as he clutched the rifle to his chest. As the collision of the paddle to Felix’s head dropped Felix into darkness, he had a split second to understand that Jack had let the man pass and attack Felix without so much as a word.

. . .

Felix groaned as consciousness brought him back to reality. His entire face hurt, but his nose and right temple were definitely the worst parts off. His side stung and his brain sluggishly supplied him with the memory of being stabbed. He was cold and wet and he couldn’t move.

He was tied up, tied to something. His arms were around a pole against his back. Felix tugged experimentally. Whatever knot was holding him wasn’t about to budge. The rope itself was around the entirety of Felix’s wrists and encompassed part of his hand and part of his forearms. It was a very tight and effective knot.

“I know you’re awake.”

Felix grimaced to himself, then opened his eyes. For a few moments, all he saw was swimming darkness. He likely had a concussion, maybe something worse. Felix felt lucky that he had woken up at all. The first thing he was able to make out were heavy duty, insulated fishing boots. The floor beneath the boots was dirty and wet, but not muddy. Felix followed the floor with his eyes and tracked it up to the dirt walls and then the dirt ceiling. He was in some tiny, manmade room, support beams keeping everything from collapsing. Felix then looked back to the figure.

For a moment, Felix was too stunned to process the familiar face correctly. He knew that broken nose and bushy brow and those gleaming eyes. But he’d never seen that face twisted with such malice. “Mr. Wilkins?” Felix asked, unsure if the face was really the one he knew. “What am I doing down here?”

“I’ve always liked you, kid,” Mr. Wilkins said. “You respected your elders and the park. You worked hard and you were good to people when they deserved it. You gave me a little hope for the future, for the stability of the world. But then you went and took my boy.” Mr. Wilkins sneered, barring his teeth like a wild dog. “Took him and soiled him. A fucking harlot. I should have known a good kid like you is too good to be true. Now look what you’ve done. _You’ve poisoned him._ ”

Felix was still struggling to work through this fucking nightmare of a development. “You took Jack,” he said, his voice almost a whisper. “This entire fucking time, I’ve been eating the food of the fucker that took Jack.” The shock bled into absolute fury. “You took Jack!” Felix shouted. “How the fuck could you do that?! Talking about the fucking future when you took that from him! How long have you been under my fucking nose?!”

“Don’t you raise your voice at me, boy,” Mr. Wilkins snarled. 

“Where’s Jack?” Felix demanded, eyes darting around wildly for any sign of the other man. “You fucking piece of shit, I’ll kill you if you’ve touched him! I’m gonna fucking kill you!”

Mr. Wilkins stepped forward and drove his foot into Felix’s stomach. Felix tasted bile and iron. He doubled forward, straining his wrists as he curled his knees defensively to his chest. He was tied up. He really shouldn’t be antagonizing the guy who had talked about—

“You took my boy,” Mr. Wilkins repeated, his voice a low growl now. “Fucked him, tried to make him your bitch. It’s gonna take me years to fix what you’ve done. You’re gonna burn for this.”

Felix groaned in pain and struggled to lift his head again. But once he managed, he set Mr. Wilkins with the fiercest glare he could with blood running down his face. “Rot in hell, you sick fuck,” he spat. “I’m gonna kill you and then take Jack home. You don’t get to keep him any longer!”

“Bold words for a kid tied to a stake,” Mr. Wilkins replied. “Sit pretty, boy. I’ll be back for you.”

Mr. Wilkins left, turning and shutting a makeshift door that was embedded in the dirt walls. Felix was surrounded be dark corners he couldn’t see into. He kicked his heels in the dirt, trying to get leverage to lift himself up and stand. If he could get on his feet, he might be able to get a handle on the knot holding his wrists together. Felix almost didn’t hear it over the sound of his own rustling clothes and limbs, but it stood out— the scrape of metal to his left, from the darkness. Felix froze. Was someone else down here with him?

“Who’s there?” he demanded, trying to sound as intimidating as possible. At the initial lack of response, Felix bristled. “I know you’re fucking there, now tell me—”

“Felix.”

Jack sounded tiny and afraid, a far cry from how Jack would normally use his naturally loud voice. But hearing Jack at all meant he was alive and down here with Felix.

“It’s gonna be okay,” was the first thing Felix told him, soothing out his own tone. “Can you move? I need you to come over here and undo this knot.”

“I can’t.”

“Yes you can, Jack.” As Felix peered into the darkness, he was able to gradually make out the shape that was Jack. The other man was on the floor, sitting much like Felix, but he wasn’t tied up. He was in different clothes from before, a new set of hospital smocks. Felix could just barely make out his pale skin and the whites of his eyes. “Just crawl over here and undo the knots. I know you’re scared and I know he’s got some sort of pull on you, but you gotta trust me.”

“Felix, I can’t.”

“Jack, we’re actually gonna die if you don’t—”

There was the sound of metal again and then Jack was crawling forward, only to be stopped in place by the metal collar fastened around his neck. Jack looked to Felix with tearful eyes as he dragged his fingertips along the edge of the collar. “I can’t reach you,” Jack said. The bruises around Jack’s neck that Felix had seen before made a suddenly sickening amount of sense. With the collar keeping him from moving forward, Jack was about four feet away. Well out of arm’s reach.

Felix swallowed hard and worked through the nausea at seeing the collar to reformulate his plan. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” he promised Jack. “How did you escape last time?”

“I had a bone,” Jack replied. “Animal, something small. I picked the lock.” There was a lock around Jack’s collar, small but simple. The collar itself was hinged so you could open and close it, like a large manacle. It was tight around Jack’s neck, so he couldn’t lift it over his head, but it wasn’t constricting his throat from what Felix could tell, which meant it wasn’t an immediate threat to Jack’s safety. That was good. Felix could handle this. 

“Jack, I need you to look and see what the knot tying me up looks like,” he ordered firmly. Felix twisted a little to angle his wrists in view of Jack. “Describe it to me.”

“What good will that do?” Jack asked in a daze. “I don’t know knots.”

“Jack, I have been a forest ranger for three fucking years, I can promise you I will figure it out.”

“I let him hit you.”

Felix paused, worried he would have to talk Jack through a mental breakdown. He didn’t know how long Mr. Wilkins would be gone. “You’ve got Stockholm Syndrome,” he told Jack. “Or something like it. My psychology is rusty, but I know what it looks like when someone doesn’t have control. It’s okay, Jack. Just tell me what this knot looks like and I’ll get us out of here.”

“We can’t go anywhere,” Jack argued. “There’s only one way out.”

“Where are we?”

“The lake.”

“There aren’t any cave systems by Lava Lake.”

“We’re under it. They dug holes, rooms. We’re in a tunnel under the lake.”

Felix’s thoughts stalled over this detail. Lava Lake was a good twenty feet at its deepest. There was the forest station and even a private resort a couple miles away. How had someone managed to dig an entire system underneath this lake without anyone noticing?

“The murderer made these,” Jack almost whispered. “From way before. I’m sure of it.”

Felix couldn’t dwell on this. “Jack,” he beckoned slowly. “What does the knot look like?”

“Two loops going into one.”

“Are the two loops on the top or the side?”

“The, the top. The one loop they’re going into is sideways.”

A Tragically Nautical knot. There was no irony lost to Felix. He wouldn’t be able to undo the knot with how restricted his hands were. That left him with one option. 

“Jack, I need you to break my thumb.”

Jack looked horrified. 

“If you break my thumb, I’ll be able to slip one hand out,” Felix explained to him. “I need you to kick at the joint of my thumb as hard as you can, okay? Use your heel if you have to. You’re not wearing shoes, so you’ll really need to go for it. Don’t stop no matter what, alright? I can take it.”

“I can’t hurt ye’,” Jack whimpered.

“Seán, if you don’t do this, I will die.”

Jack keened softly in the back of his throat, strung out beyond his ability to think. Felix hated having to ask him this, but there was no other way. “Trust me, Jack,” Felix begged. “I swear to god, I wouldn’t ask you to do anything you can’t handle. I need you to help me.”

“If you scream, I’ll stop,” Jack told him. “I can’t— you can’t scream. Please.”

“I won’t make a sound,” Felix promised. “You can do this, Jack.”

Jack looked like he thought the opposite. “Turn yer hands t’ me.” Felix did as told and listened to Jack lay himself out. He couldn’t get his hands close enough to Felix, but if he laid out his torso, he’d be able to kick. “I’m gonna start,” Jack told him. “Please don’t scream, Felix.”

Felix really wasn’t sure how he was going to manage that. Especially after Jack’s first kick was so perfectly spot on that it wrenched Felix’s entire wrist. Felix’s vision whited out for a second and he wanted to tell Jack to stop, that this hurt too much, that they needed a new plan. Instead, Felix rambled, “That was good, that was good, keep going.” Jack let out a whine of distress, but kicked again, wrenching the bones in Felix’s hand. Felix’s entire body tensed and trembled in his effort not to make a noise of pain. “You’re hitting too high,” he wheezed after catching his breath. “Little lower.”

“Oh god, Felix, your wrist shouldn’t bend like that.”

“I need you to break the thumb joint. You can do this, Jack.”

Jack kicked again and Felix blacked out for a moment. He came back to the sound of himself choking on something— his own fucking tongue— and this horrible pain in his hand. Felix tried to move his fingers and found he couldn’t.

“Good job,” he choked out, blinking back tears. “Good job, Seán, baby, you did so fucking good.” He heard the sound of Jack sobbing quietly and knew that he was probably pretty bad off for having to do this. But Felix was so fucking proud of him. Felix started twisting his wrists, squirming his broken hand through the binding, unhindered by the rigid joints. “I’m so fucking proud of you,” he told Jack in a ragged voice. “You’re so fucking brave.”

“Oh god, Felix, you’re crying.”

“I’m okay now, I promise.” Felix wasn’t sure how he was going to get through this with a broken hand, but the ruined hand was his left, non-dominant. He could still do this. He was going to get Jack out of here and out of this fucking park. “How do I get that collar off of you?”

“He has a key.”

Oh fuck. Felix didn’t know how he was going to face off against Mr. Wilkins with a broken hand. The man was a foot taller than him and burly and worn by the outdoors in a way Felix had managed yet. He was also a fucking sociopathic murderer who had a disgusting obsession with Jack. “Do you know where it is?”

Jack shook his head. Felix got his hand out from the binding with a small noise of triumph. The first thing he saw was his absolutely destroyed left hand. “That’s gonna need a doctor,” he said to himself, unable to think much else through the pain. Jack let out this noise, this awful little sound, and Felix quickly pushed his own agony aside. Jack had a fucking collar around his neck, he was way worse off than Felix. 

“I’m gonna find the key,” Felix said. “I need you to stay here and keep quiet, okay?” Felix crept to Jack’s side, ran his good hand down Jack’s arms just to check for wounds when his eyes failed to completely adjust. “I’ll be back. And when we survive this, I’m putting a fucking leash on myself and giving you the handle, okay?” Jack tore into his lower lip and nodded, frantic little tears pooling in the corner of his eyes. Felix wanted nothing more than to drop everything and comfort the other man but— “I’ll come back for you,” he promised again. “I’ll come back.”

“Just go before I beg ye’ to stay and get us killed,” Jack choked out. 

Felix knew he wouldn’t be able to leave if Jack started to beg. He tore himself away from the other man, unable to even look back. Felix crept to the rustic door and pushed it open gently after listening for any sound of footsteps. All he heard was the soft croning of an old radio. 

The room the door led into seemed somewhat like an attempt at a normal living space. There was an aged, soft sofa and old table and a bookshelf with ancient books that all had the titles worn away from years of use. A Persian carpet covered most of the dirt floor and there was another door on the opposite end. Up against the wall, where the sofa was facing, was a second table that had a large pile of equipment atop it. Felix recognized a few things, like the gramophone that was playing a song he didn’t recognize from probably around the forties, and the old cassette recorder, but what really stuck out was the HAM radio and VSP. 

Felix scrambled to the radio, knowing that the noise he’d make in using it was well worth the risk. He tuned the radio to frequency 154.14500, knowing that the Bend Fire dispatch would be his best chance of not only an answer, but rescue. Felix brought the microphone to his mouth and whispered as urgently as he could.

“This is Deschutes National Forest Ranger Felix Kjellberg requesting emergency and law enforcement services to the coordinates 45.55-13 North, 121.46-22 West. Requesting immediate assistance and armed law enforcement. There is a deadly individual underneath the lake who has been keeping a civilian captive and currently is attempting my murder. Again, this is Forest Ranger Felix Kjellberg at 45.55-13 North, 121.46-22 West requesting immediate and urgent assistance now.”

For a moment, there was nothing. In that moment, Felix thought he heard footsteps. But the sound was drowned out by the static of the radio feedback and a man’s response.

_“Repeat, Ranger Kjellberg, you are where?”_

Felix could cry. “45.55-13 North, 121.46-22 West. Underneath Lava Lake, I repeat, _underneath_ Lava Lake. Requiring immediate assistance.” Felix paused. “I know what I’m asking— the storm is dangerous. But I am going to die if you do not send somebody.”

There was a moment of silence on the other line again. Then, _“Sending ranger and law enforcement backup. Do you know the state of the river?”_

“Flooded,” Felix replied. “You’ll need to take a back road in, come in from the other side of the lake. It’ll take longer. Also, please, advise that the nearby ranger station and resort evacuate. The man pursuing me is responsible for fire tower Forest Ranger Michael Anders’ death.”

_“Anders is dead?”_

“The fire tower has been burnt and the civilian reports seeing the man die.”

_“Jesus christ. Are you okay?”_

A hand clutched Felix by the throat and threw him away from the radio, into the ground. The air was knocked from Felix’s lungs as he hit the floor, head slamming down the wrong way. Felix’s vision went spotty and he felt like he was going to vomit. The man kept talking over the radio, asking Felix if he was okay, sounding frantic as he demanded some sort of report to Felix’s wellbeing. Felix still had his hand on the mic’s receiver. Whoever was on the other line could hear Felix choking as Mr. Wilkins strangled Felix with callous worn hands. But Felix could also see the key hanging around the man’s neck.

Felix dropped the mic and clawed at the flesh of the man’s arms with his good hand, digging his nails in and drawing blood. He flailed and then brought his knee up hard into the older man’s stomach. Mr. Wilkins let out a grunt of pain, but didn’t let go. So Felix did it again, but lower, kneeing Wilkins in the balls. The man released Felix and fell to the side. In a moment of clarity, Felix snatched the key from Wilkins’ neck, the string giving way. The man on the radio was yelling for Felix to respond and the women on the gramophone were singing about the boogie man. Felix rambled to his feet, drove the toe of his shoe into the man’s neck, and then ran for the back room. 

Felix fell to his knees at Jack’s side, ignoring Jack’s babbling questions after what had happened. He could hear Wilkins groaning and getting back to his feet. Felix’s hands were shaking, but he got the key into the lock on the first try. Nearly broke the damn thing when he twisted it, but the lock fell open and Felix dropped it in favor of tearing the fucking collar from around Jack’s neck. “We have to go,” he told Jack, his voice hoarse and ruined by Wilkins’ hands. 

Jack wobbled to his feet and Felix pulled him into the next room and past—

Wilkins was gone.

Felix didn’t have time to consider what that meant. He ran down into the next room and saw stairs leading up towards a cellar door. Felix didn’t think twice in bounding up the stairs and throwing his left shoulder— thinking it would be best to just condemn his entire left side— and shoving the doors open.

Rain poured down on them, a crack of thunder shaking the ground. Felix pulled Jack out of the cellar door and saw that it was concealed by hunters net and nestled between three tall trees, a solid ten feet away from the Lava Lake shore.

For a moment, Felix wanted to shoot himself.

He could see the glint of the windows of his home reflecting lightning from here.

Jack had been right under his feet the whole time.

“Felix, where’d he go?”

Felix didn’t have time to beat himself into the ground, he needed to get Jack out of here. “We have to get to the other side of the lake,” he told Jack, knowing that their rescue would come from the opposite side of the river. “I radioed for help, someone’s coming, but we have to get away from—”

Fire flared and ate up a trail hidden in the beach and the underbrush beyond. It burned with ferocity despite the pouring rain. It was tall, the flames reaching high above Felix’s waist. It was being fueled by something unnatural and someone had set the flames alight. It was a perfect line through the forest floor and—

It was a fence of fire that kept them from heading down the shore, corralling them in between the flooded river, Felix’s home, and Wilkin’s sinister cave. And at the end of the line, where it originated, from the water and a dock nearby, stood Wilkins, tall and imposing and looking the part of the fucking devil, the flames casting shadows across his face. Felix almost thought his eyes were glowing red.

Jack shrunk back against Felix. “I’m sorry.”

Felix took Jack by the hand and fucking bolted, away from the fire, back towards the relative-safety of his house. He didn’t have his rifle anymore, Wilkins was fucking satan, and Jack was apologizing for escaping and valuing his life. They couldn’t swim the lake and that fire was going to burn. They could only hide. 

Felix and Jack fled back to the A-Frame. The door was still blocked, but one of the front windows was halfway shattered. Felix pulled his sleeve up to cover his hand and knocked away the rest of the glass on the bottom before coaxing Jack through, wanting him inside first. The rain was like bullets at this point, but at the A-Frame, you could only just barely make out the flames Wilkins had set. Felix couldn’t see anyone following them, even though he knew Wilkins had seen where they’d gone. All they could do was hide. 

Felix scrambled in after Jack and pulled the man into his home, running through all of the possible places they could hide. The horrible thing about open concept homes was how useless they were in life or death situations. The only place he could think of was the storage closet (which Wilkins knew of), underneath the bed upstairs (which would damn one of them depending on what side Wilkins looked under), and the bathroom (which would trap them because they couldn’t drop a full flight without risking injury or at least—)

Felix couldn’t afford the injury, but—

Felix pulled Jack upstairs, into the bathroom, shutting the door softly behind them. He pulled Jack back towards the shower, pulling him down to sit on the still-wet tile, and pulled the plexiglass door shut. It wouldn’t hide them from Wilkin’s sight, but it would also let them see if he entered the bathroom. That would let Felix rush and distract Wilkins and then Jack would be able to get to the window. 

“What’re we doing, Felix?” Jack whimpered, huddling on the floor, pressing into Felix’ Felix had his arm over Jack’s shoulder, keeping him close. Felix’s attention was all in his hearing, listening for the sound of footsteps beneath them. “We’re trapped, we can’t—”

“When he comes up, you go out that window,” Felix instructed. Lightning flashed through the porthole window that was to the left of the shower. It had a hinge and could be opened. Jack could drop the single story and he’d land hard, but he’d be able to gain some distance as Felix distracted Wilkins in a fight for his life. “Help is coming, on the other side of the lake. You just need to get there and they’ll find you.” It would take about an hour for help to arrive, thanks to the rain and the mud, but if Felix gave Jack a healthy head start, then he knew Jack would make it out of this. 

It was pitch dark in the bathroom. There was nothing except the thunder and the rain and Jack against his side. It slowly dawned on Felix that he was intending to die to get Jack out of here and he couldn’t bring himself to regret that. But he did regret not having longer with his boy. 

There was a clatter downstairs. Wilkins was in the house.

Felix pulled Jack closer and pressed his lips into the crown of Jack’s skull. He savored this last moment, shutting his eyes so his senses were encompassed by Jack and only him. Jack was warm and alive and he was going to stay that way. “I love you,” he told Jack, murmuring the promise into Jack’s skin. “You’re gonna get out of here. When he comes up here, I’ll stop him and you get out that window.”

“But you—”

“Don’t argue with me. Just go.”

Footsteps indicated Wilkins was climbing the stairs. Felix could hear him humming, the old man’s voice like gravel. Jack shuddered against Felix and Felix tensed, readying himself. “You’re gonna get out of here,” Felix swore. “I’ll make sure he never touches you again.”

“He’ll never leave me,” Jack whimpered. 

The bathroom door swung open. Wilkins laughed as he stood in the doorway with an orange glow backlighting his frame. Wilkins bellowed, “Watch me gut your poisoner, Jack. I’ll make sure he never touches you again! I’ll keep you safe!”

Felix stood and threw himself out of the shower, grabbing Wilkins around his torso, tackling him into the next room. The glow became overbearing light and heat. Wilkins had set the fucking downstairs on fire and Felix cursed this man’s obsession with flames. “Don’t you run away from me!” Wilkins screamed. Jack was making for the window, thank god. Felix just needed to buy him a little time. 

Felix brought Wilkins down to the ground and pinned him by the waist to drive his fist across Wilkins’ wizened face. He felt a crunch beneath his knuckles and hoped he’d broken his teeth. Wilkins thrusted his knee up and into Felix’s spine, throwing Felix forward and Wilkins grabbed Felix by the throat. “You disgusting parasite,” he growled as he lifted Felix by the grip on his neck alone. Felix choked and scrabbled at Wilkins’ arm, gouging lines into the flesh with his nails. Wilkins dragged him by his throat, Felix’s feet scraping along the floor. “I’ll gut you like a fish!”

Wilkins threw Felix down the stairs. Felix tumbled gracelessly, jamming his shoulder badly. He hit the bottom of the stairs and cried out as his collarbone collided with a corner. His downstairs was burning, blazing the worst in the kitchen, unhindered by the rain thanks to the roof overhead. Smoke was filling the room and Felix couldn’t breathe. 

Wilkins came down the stairs after Felix and stomped hard on Felix’s left leg. Something in Felix’s ankle snapped and he cried out in pain. “I’ll kill you nice and slow,” Wilkins promised. “And then Jack will never be afraid again!”

The fire was close now, creeping across the floorboards. It was too close to Felix and he couldn’t stand. Wilkins towered over him, grinning like the devil. 

“You’ll burn here,” Wilkins told him. “Just like that stupid thing in the tower.” The foot in Felix’s leg ground down and Felix screamed, pain whiting out his vision. It faded into a horrible ache and Felix sobbed with the worst of it. It hurt, it hurt more than anything he’d ever experienced, but as long as Wilkins was torturing him, he wasn’t chasing Jack. 

Felix stared defiantly up at Wilkins and let himself smile despite the agony. “I’m not scared of you,” he rasped as fire crept closer and threatened to lick at his hair. “You’ll burn with me and Jack will get out of these fucking woods and you’ll never have him again.”

Wilkins smiled wider, a twisted expression of someone who thought he’d won despite death growing around them, lighting the house and choking their lungs. Wilkins twisted his foot again and Felix hoped he would pass out from the pain before he could burn alive. 

“You made it so far,” Wilkins said. “For that, I have to admit, I like you. I’ll make it quick.”

The foot moved to Felix’s neck. One twist would break the delicate structure of bone and Felix would die. The boot was heavy and smelled like stagnant water and Felix hated that the last thing he would see in this world would be this monster. So Felix shut his eyes and pictured Jack. 

The foot twitched.

Felix tensed, but that was all he felt. Then Wilkins began to gurgle. 

Felix opened his eyes, tearing his mind from the memory of Jack in his arms, to see Wilkins standing above him with a blade from Felix’s kitchen jutting out from his throat. His eyes were wide and afraid as he listed to the side and dropped, lifeless, to reveal Jack behind him, shaking where he stood. 

“Oh my god,” Felix wheezed through the pain, his thoughts hazy with quickly draining adrenaline. “You’re fucking amazing.”

“Oh god, Felix,” Jack gasped, dropping to the ground to bring Felix into his arms, away from the encroaching flames. “You’re hurt, you’re hurt! We have t’ go!”

Jack lifted Felix with more strength than Felix had thought Jack had and hooked Felix’s arm over his shoulder, carrying most of Felix’s weight as they headed to the door. Jack shoved the bookcase aside with his foot and they left the house behind them as the flames began to reach the upstairs. The rain pounded around them, breaking away the smoke. Felix could breathe again.

Felix tried to limp with Jack as they rounded the lake. Wilkins’ trap had died away, the rain finally overpowering the fire. The deeper they went into the woods, the more Felix was able to see, despite the lightning and darkness. 

There were lights ahead. Headlights. Flashlights. Somehow, they had gotten to the lake faster than Felix had ever thought they could.

The ground was muddy and Felix could barely keep his balance. He groaned in pain and nudged Jack, trying to pull him towards the lights to their left. Jack saw what he was seeing and started screaming, yelling for help at the top of his lungs. 

Light flooded them and votes overpowered the wind of the storm. Hands took Felix from Jack, brought him through the rain, put him into a car and threw blankets over his body. Everything was a rush of noise and pain, and the only thing he was able to say in response to countless questions was, “I need Jack.”

“I’m here, I’m here.”

Felix moved towards the voice, to Jack in the seat beside him. He opened his eyes and saw they were in one of the ranger vehicles. Faces peered in on them, people he recognized, law enforcement and fellow rangers. “I found him,” he told them, words slurring. “Jack found me.”

The ride back to the nearest ranger station that was still functioning was arduous, jostling Felix to and fro, but Jack kept his arms firmly around Felix. Jack was shaking but staying strong. “I’m so proud of you,” Felix said.

“I killed him,” Jack choked out. “I’m sorry, I had to, he was gonna kill you—”

“I’m so proud of you,” Felix said again before slipping off into nothing. 

. . .

Felix woke up in a hospital bed, surrounded by white and the smell of antiseptic. Beside him, in a rickety, uncomfortable hospital chair, was Jack, dressed in sweatpants and a sweater and looking exhausted with various bandages and bandaids covering his pale skin and a mobile IV in his wrist. He had bags under his eyes and his lips were chapped from his bad habit of chewing them and he’d never looked more beautiful. He was staring at Felix’s chest, like he didn’t trust the machines Felix was hooked up to and had to see Felix breathe for himself.

“Hey,” Felix greeted, his voice weak. But Jack heard him regardless and sat up straight, eyes wide and distressed.

“Felix, you’re awake,” he gasped. “They said it could take ye’ days! It’s been twenty four hours since your surgery, I was so worried, Felix, I—”

“You look good,” Felix said, interrupted Jack thoughtlessly. “How do you feel?”

Jack hesitated. “… I don’t know,” he finally admitted. “I haven’t— I was there fer three years. I don’t know how to be anything else but what he made me. I’m having—” Jack wrung his hands in his clothes. “I’ve therapy to attend, but I didn’t agree to anything till you woke up. I don’t know what I’m gonna do. They called me parents, they’re gonna be here soon. I don’t know where I’m gonna—” Jack cut himself off again and then looked up at him with wide, blue eyes. 

“I don’t think I can be away from ye’, Felix. The surgery was _hard._ I don’t feel safe without ye.”

“Probably for the best since I’m not about to let you out of my sight ever again.”

It took Jack a moment, but he finally smiled. “I love ye’, Felix,” he said. “Think it’s too much to ask that we just go back t’ the start?”

Felix hummed happily at the thought. His eyelids were growing heavy, he would likely fall asleep again soon. Whatever the hospital had given him was awesome considering he probably had multiple broken bones, had gone through surgery, and yet he was pain-free. “Sure. But you’re fucking stupid if you think I’m gonna let you go camping any time soon.”

“God knows I don’t want to.” Jack hesitated, visibly thinking, before leaning in and over the bed, coming in close to place the gentlest of kisses to Felix’s cheek. “I’m broken as fuck,” he told Felix, pulling away just a bit. “Will ye’ wait till I’m fixed?”

“I love you in ever way you could be,” Felix said. “Broken’s fine with me.”

There was a rush of footsteps outside of Felix’s hospital room, and then Mark was bursting inside. “Felix, they told me you got—”

Mark froze, eyes going wide as he saw and instantly recognized Jack. Jack hunched his shoulders, watching Mark warily. But then Jack stood and took a brave step forward and gave Mark a trembling smile. “Long time, no see,” he said, his voice shaking as much as the hand he was extending to Mark to shake. “How ye’ been, man?”

Mark breathed out raggedly before taking Jack’s hand and pulling him into a bonebreaking hug. “You found him,” Mark gasped from over Jack’s shoulder, looking to Felix with awe. “You found him.”

Felix was growing more exhausted by the second, the painkillers trying to pull him under again. He still managed to say, “Is it too late to say that I’m gonna bring a plus one to the wedding?”

“W-what?” Jack sputtered. “Someone wants t’ marry Mark?!”

As Mark laughed, strung out and through his tears, Felix fell back into the painless peace of drug induced sleep with a smile on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> the song playing in Wilkin's mancave of evil was the boogie woogieman by the brian sisters and ya'll should give that a listen


End file.
